What Do Men and Women Want From A Relationship?

As you would imagine, when it comes to the major things each sex wants in a relationship the answers differ. I’ve talked to males and females about what they want in a relationship and what makes them happy and the answers never seem to match up. I’ve highlighted in previous blog posts that men and women are very different. Although we are all human beings, men and women differ when it comes to brain structure, ways of thinking and ways of processing. It’s only natural then for us to think differently when it comes to what we want in a relationship.

This blog is dedicated to the top 3 things men and women want in relationships, based on researching articles and my own conversations with people. I’m hoping this will help each sex understand each other just a little better in hopes of creating happier relationships out there!

Top 3 Things Men Want in a Relationship:

1. Drama-Free! - Men want a manipulation-free relationship. Save the drama for yo mama, ladies! If something bothers you, straight up tell him – don’t try to be passive-aggressive about it until he gets the hint. Don’t cause unnecessary drama where it isn’t needed i.e. picking fights about the little things. In addition, I think a major part of this is not over-analyzing. When you constantly over-analyze a relationship drama is bound to occur.

2. A Healthy Intimate Life - Okay, in case you’re wondering, yes, this is a watered-down way for saying “men want sex.” For couples not having sex for religious or other reasons, this can be substituted for just time spent one-on-one. But for sexually active couples, whether married or unmarried, a healthy sex life is important for both both men and women. Men just seem to put a little more focus on it than women. Intimate time with a partner is the way you communicate how you care for each other and hell, it’s fun!

3. Truthfulness - This last one was hard because this was a tie-breaker with “faithfulness” and a couple others but I thought I’d highlight it because I think it’s important. Don’t be a liar, don’t cheat and just be honest about how you feel, who you are, and what’s been going on in your life. A relationship built on lies is doomed to fail.

Top 3 Things Women Want in a Relationship:

1. Ackowledgement -  It’s simple: we want to know that we matter because frankly sometimes we forget and we need to be reminded. A lot of women complain about feeling super special during the beginning “honeymoon” stage of relationship and then feeling a bit neglected once the relationship enters a “comfort zone.” This is why many relationships don’t make it out of stage one! It is very important for women to know that they still matter even after the comfort zone has been reached. Texting, planning and calling shouldn’t end just because things aren’t as new. When we don’t hear from you we start to over-analyze which can lead to drama - which we KNOW you don’t want. On another note, things should still be balanced – it doesn’t always have to be the guy doing the initiating conversation. But it seems that women need the acknowledgment just a little more than guys so it doesn’t hurt =)

2. Understanding - We want you to understand that sometimes we just need to talk and get it out without you fixing the problem. Not everything can just be fixed up with a hammer and nails. Women are “venters” by nature and sometimes we vent to our significant others. I do recommend to women, however, to still vent with friends because a man can only take so much. We also would appreciate it if you would understand that we are women and sometimes we aren’t as clear-cut and rational as you are. We make the world beautiful with our emotions and our diversity of thought. That’s why you like us!

3. Affection – Affection is the equivalent of sex for men. We need it in order to feel connected with our partner. Women also need sex – we just don’t put a huge emphasis on it. This is why we often see women having sex to gain affection and men “faking” affection to gain sex. It’s all imbalanced. So maybe we can compromise a little and meet in the middle? And when I mean affection I mean more than just a couple kisses before sexytime. No tooting it and booting it! Is it really so hard to hold hands, kiss a little (even on the cheek!), or anything in between? I think not!

A final quote:

“What women think men want from them causes women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings and frustration.”

I think this is SUCH a powerful quote. Let’s strive to break the barrier of misunderstanding people! Not all men are “dogs” and not all women are “crazy”, I promise!        

What Do Men and Women Want From A Relationship?

Who is Better at Compromising: Men or Women?

So meet me in the middle well, come on, let's make up a dance and we'll agree to call it the compromise. – The Format.

It is a given that compromise is a part of all relationships. In order to dwell in harmony of sorts we have to be able to tolerate certain aspects of other people. Of course, I’m referring to the little things. There are some things that no one should ever tolerate such as abuse of any kind (verbal, emotional, mental, and physical). Compromise is about letting go of the idea that everything needs to go your way. It involves taking into account another individuals’ personality, opinions and actions. As the song by The Format suggests, “meet me in the middle.” So I was thinking: who is more likely to compromise in a relationship, a man or a woman? Or do we just compromise (or not compromise) in different ways?

When it comes to women there are a couple of things I have observed. Some of us compromise too much and some of us refuse to compromise. Unfortunately, both lead down a road of trouble and heartbreak. Women often compromise too much of themselves when they get in a relationship and start to lose their identity. It is so easy to get caught up in feelings for someone to the point where morals, values, interests and personality traits get compromised. 

On another hand, I think many women also have issues with compromising in relationships and while looking for a potential partner. In a way, I partly blame society for this. We (females) are bombarded at such a young age with these ideas about a prince charming coming to our rescue.  It’s almost as if we are programmed to keep "waiting it out" and not settle so Mr. Charming will come and sweep us off our feet.  Meanwhile, we can just live life wistfully singing and talking with farm animals (or dwarves, a giant tamed tigers,  Jamaican crabs…take your pick) until he arrives. And when he does finally arrive he will be EVERYTHING we want him to be: attentive, loving, in tune with his emotions, rich, faithful and with a great head of hair. Pfft. Right? It gets worse as we get older with romantic comedies. Don’t get me wrong I love romantic comedies as much as the next girl – but sometimes they infuriate me because I know they are just planting my brain with an idea of romance that isn’t REAL. I think that many women hold on to this idea of who their “prince charming” is supposed to be (ahem, Ryan Gosling) and they lose sight of things that really matter in a relationship.

It’s possible that some women consider compromising for “settling” which isn’t the same thing. We are told by society that we can and should “have it all.” And we can! It’s just important to have the right attitude about men and who they are and come to grips with reality on what a relationship is. Sorry to burst your Disneyfied, romantic-comedy-made bubble but relationships are not a fairy tale, they are hard work. We don’t expect our friends, parents or anyone else to be perfect, why would we expect the same from our "Mr. Right"? 

Men and compromise--I don’t have too much to say about this because I am not a man. But if I reflect on the way men are portrayed in society, men are definitely not encouraged to compromise at all. A "strong" man is one who sticks to his guns and does not compromise. A "strong" man does not need to heed a woman’s opinion or change any of his actions/attitudes for her. From my experience, men resist change on behalf of a woman especially when a woman is doing everything in her power to try to change him. I'm not sure why women do it but you'd think we would get the hint by now. I’ve witnessed men make compromises for the women they love, but on their own terms and their own time. 

In comparison to women, you don’t see many men being manipulated and changing their entire lives for a relationship. I am reminded of the Sex and the City episode where Big casually mentions to Carrie that he may be moving to Paris and doesn’t even consider her in the whole decision. If it had been a woman who was offered a job in Paris the first thing she would have thought about was her significant other. From the way I see it, men are definitely more independent which makes them a little less willing to compromise – but I think it depends on the relationship they are in and their level of maturity.

Men, what do you think about compromise in relationships? How much are you willing to compromise, if at all?

And females, do you think you tend to compromise too much or too little in relationships?

All I know is that I believe if two people truly care for each other – they can compromise on the little things to meet in the middle and make a dance of harmony on their own  =]

Who is Better at Compromising: Men or Women?