Star Wars Wisdom On Relationships

NOTE: Whether you are a star wars fan or not, you will be able to relate to this post on some level. You don't have to be a nerd to enjoy the life long lessons the Star Wars saga has imparted onto humanity. In fact, you  may even find yourself longing to watch one of the films after this (Star Wars movie night anyone??) So here we go...A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.... 

Here's what Star Wars has taught me about relationships:

#1 Either be in a relationship or don't be in one. Don't mess around.
One of Yoda's most famous quotes from Star Wars is, "Do or Do not, There is no try."  That green little man (is he a man?) may have spoken super slow with jumbled up grammar but he sure as hell knew what he was talking about. The way I see it, you either do something, or you don't do it. There is no, "Oh, I'm going to try being in a relationship, but I'm keeping my options open." No one deserves half your effort, and you don't deserve a half-ass effort from anyone either.

#2 Watch  who you get advice from about your relationships. Just ask Anakin i.e. Darth Vader.
Anakin Skywalker's biggest mistake was listening to Emperor Palpatine/Darth Sidious' advice about the dark side of the force having the power to prevent death. Emperor Palpatine took advantage of Anakins fears and premonitions about Padme dying during childbirth and Anakin was so vulnerable and confused that he listened...and look what happened. He turned to the dark side, put a choke hold on the wife that he was trying to SAVE then fell into volcanic rock (that's the short version.) I'm a little conflicted because I love Darth Vader but then I watch episode 3 and I remember how he got that way and I am sad (despite the cheesy dialogue and forced acting). So my question is, do you really want to fall into volcanic rock and be forced to breathe like a person with extreme post nasal drip for the rest of your life? No, but for seriously - It's important to watch who you ask for advice on your relationship. Remember, not everyone has your best interest at heart. Many times, people give advice based on their own selfish point of view. My advice is to find several people in your life you who know have your back and will give you objective, productive, tactful feedback.  

#3 Make sure you're not related to the person you kiss.
Good rule of thumb, people. Even if you're trying to make Han Solo jealous, please make sure you don't share a blood line with someone before you lock lips with them. It just ain't classy. I love you Princess Leia, its okay, you just didn't know.  


 

Storm Trooper Love <3>

 #4 There is always more than one side to a story - and everyone's opinion is important.  One of my favorite Obi-Wan quotes is, “Many of the truths that we cling to depend on our point of view.” Sometimes during conflict with people we are close to we skew things based on our past emotional wounds. It's important to realize that everyone has a perspective that is valid. This perspective is their "truth."  My wise buddy Obi-Wan is trying to remind us that we need to open our minds and take more time to understand someone else's "truth" before we judge, or escalate a conflict further than it needs to be escalated.

#5 Insecurity and Fear Go A long Way
Another Yoda gem: “Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”  (Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace)
Fear is what turned Anakin to the Dark Side, and it will lead you too if you don't be aware of your insecurity. When you are insecure, there is nothing anyone can do to appease you, so when people don't meet your expectations, it can cause anger to build up. This anger can lead to hate, which leads to suffering for you and the people around you. So remember, check your insecurity before you wreck yourself all the way to the dark side.

#6 Don't let characters into your life who don't belong.
He was created for comic relief in Episode I-III, but all I needed was relief from the sound of his semi-rastafarian clown voice. Let's face it, no one likes him but we can't erase him from the movies, just like we can't erase obnoxious people off the face of the earth. However, that doesn't mean I have to acknowledge his presence as a legitimate, necessary Star Wars character, right? The lesson here is that some people just don't need to be in your life if they don't improve the quality of it. Figure out who the "Jar Jar Binks" in your life is today, and GET RID OF THEM. If only someone told George Lucas this before Episode I came out.....

Hope you enjoyed this post. Comments appreciated.

May the force be with you.

Star Wars Wisdom On Relationships

Has cheating become socially acceptable? Let's Ask Kristen Stewart.

DISCLAIMER: The idea for this blog post was inspired by the movie "Breaking Dawn" (yes TWILIGHT). Let's do this.

I recently went to see the final installment of the Twilight Saga and I have to say I enjoyed every minute of the corny dialogue, prolonged dramatics, and Kristen Stewart's pubescent awkwardness. I really did. My only complaint was that Taylor Lautner only took off his shirt once. What a disgrace! Meh...he's kind of lost his charm now that he's entered into borderline pedophilia land. I know it's a Quillette thing, but I still can't digest the idea. 

Okay moving on for those who aren't TwiHards.....Toward the end of the film Bella and Edward have this sappy romantic moment where she says how much she loves him and I had this uncontrollable urge to yell, "CHEATER!!!!" I fought my urge until her photo came on during the end credits and I just had to yell it. I'm pretty sure no one cared. 

And that's my problem. No one cared...because no one even remembers that she cheated on the poor dude with some old saggy married director man. I am not a huge follower of celebrity gossip, but there was no way I could escape the news of her infidelity. I felt like the story was broadcasted as much as the death of Michael Jackson (FYI Society: MJs Death > Bella cheating on Edward). In response to my turmoil, my friend (THANKS GILDA!) made an observation about how they got back together and people have pretty much forgotten about the whole discretion. 

It started to get me thinking about how publicized cheating is in the celebrity world, and how it's forgotten about so easily. Need a reminder? Tiger Woods, Hugh Grant (see picture ha ha ha), Jesse James (HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON SANDRA!!), David Letterman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Ryan Phillipe, Jude Law on Sienna Miller, then Sienna Miller on some guy....okay I need to stop because I said I didn't follow celebrities and I'm starting to make myself look like a liar. Anyway, Did anyone even remember that Letterman cheated? I completely forgot until I started making a mental list for this blog. I guess it's easy to forget, but does that mean its forgiven? Is this evidence that cheating is socially accepted in America?

Here's a couple ideas:

• Maybe it's not quite socially acceptable to cheat, but it is socially acceptable to exploit the the behavior of another person and almost glorify their "infamous-ness." Why are negative stories publicized more than positive ones? For once, I'd like to see a prolonged broadcast about people making a positive impact on society instead of the latest Tiger Woods mistress to come out of the woodwork.

• Is cheating only acceptable when the person is famous? Do we just forgive celebrities/ political figures easier because of their rank in society? Bill Clinton dirtied it up with Monica Lewinski, but people still remember him as a good President, especially now with all the financial issues in the U.S. Another prominent figure I think of is JFK....he committed literally hundreds of infidelities and yet he is still glorified as a wonderful president. For some reason, prominent figures in society seem to get excused for most bad behavior, and it's not O.K.

• Finally, maybe cheating has become so publicized and we hear about it so often, that we have become desensitized to it. Maybe subconsciously we have been convinced that cheating is normal because "everyone does it" these days. To quote my mother, "So if EVERYONE was jumping off a bridge, would you too?" 

I encourage everyone who reads this to take some time to really ponder your view of infidelity and how its presented in society. Yes, cheating happens but it should never be socially acceptable under any circumstance. On that note, I'm still upset with Kristen Stewart because Edward's a good guy okay!!!  He risked his immortality for you and look how you repay him!!!! Plus who doesn't want a guy who glitters in the sun, doesn't sleep and constantly maintains an insanely low body temperature? 

So long Twihards. This will be my only twilight inspired post EVER. I hope....

Has cheating become socially acceptable? Let's Ask Kristen Stewart.

The Dangers of Being Passive-Aggressive

So you’re a passive-aggressivist. You practice passive-aggressivism at every chance you get. For example, when someone bothers or hurts you, the FIRST thing you do is hop on Facebook and post a “general” status related to the conflict that happened and how devastated or annoyed you are. You wait for comments, and just hope that it made it on that person’s newsfeed. Sound familiar?

Just in case it doesn’t let me try another one: someone hurts your feelings and instead of telling them it hurt you, you shut them out, ignore their attempts to contact you, and make sarcastic comments until they finally ask you what’s wrong.

Wait, I’ve got another one! Someone asks you to go somewhere with them but you don’t want to go. Instead of telling them you don’t want to go, you agree to it because you don’t want to say no. However, the whole time you’re there you complain and act annoyed. Sound familiar YET?

As you can see, there are many ways to be passive-aggressive - and I think everyone has been guilty of doing it at one time or another, myself included! I want to spend some time discussing possible reasons why people resort to being passive-aggressive in response to conflict, and why it is very harmful in relationships.

Question #1: WHY are we passive-aggressive?

It protects us from confrontation (but only in the short-term) It’s the “quick” and easy way out. Maybe we don’t want to say “no” to someone, or we are scared to confront them directly because of how they might react. The thing to remember is that eventually the person is going to get the message, and the damage you’ve done by being passive-aggressive has escalated the problem.

We are afraid of anger
This goes along with being afraid of confrontation. If you confront someone, you risk witnessing their display of anger, and feeling anger yourself. If you have a dysfunctional relationship with anger, you may want to avoid it all costs, therefore it’s easier to be passive-aggressive instead of assertive.

It’s what we’re used to....
An article in Psychology Today states that for some people, “passive aggressive behavior is not just a situational choice, but rather a deeply ingrained personality type.” When you are taught as a child to suppress certain feelings you may not know how to express them constructively as an adult. In addition, if you learned how to get attention from caretakers during your childhood in indirect ways, you most likely treat the people in your adult life the same way. This is unfortunate, but it doesn’t mean this can’t be changed!

We expect people to read our minds or “get the hint”
Only in a perfect world would we be able to temporary open up the ability to read each others minds on command so that we didn’t have to face communicating with our words. Unfortunately people don’t know what we are thinking or feeling unless we TELL them (and I don’t mean telling them through your facebook status).

Question #2: HOW passive-aggressiveness damages relationships

Dishonesty and the delay of true closeness
If we are passive aggressive with the person we are in a relationship with, then we aren’t being totally honest with them, right? If you aren’t completely honest with a person, there is no way you can be truly close with them. Simple as that.

EXPLOSIONS
Being passive-aggressive causes more explosive arguments in a relationship. Instead of having real discussions, people bottle things up and then display feelings indirectly. When the one person does not respond to the others' indirect display of emotions, the feelings inside get worse and worse and eventually explode, leaving the person confused and surprised. It doesn’t work well for either person!

Self-esteem issues
Acting in a passive-aggressive way can actually lower a person’s opinion of themselves. Eventually it causes people to treat them differently and lose respect for them, which lowers self-esteem even more. One person with low self-esteem in a relationship increases the chance of conflict and keeps the relationships from growing.
As you can see, acting passive-aggressively can cause resentment and confusion in relationships. It fuels anger, is manipulative, and blocks effective communication. If you have passive-aggressive tendencies it is important to figure out what is preventing you from being open about communication, and find a way to safely express your feelings to other people. Yes, confronting people is scary because you can’t control their reaction. However, it can damage a relationship even more when you don’t confront someone! Keep in mind that what you want and need is just as important as what others want and need. On that note, I will sign off on this blog post. Thanks for reading! I better not get any passive-aggressive comments on this post….. =)

The Dangers of Being Passive-Aggressive

Halloween Costume Awards 2012!!!

It may be the day after Halloween, but it's NEVER too late for a costume blog post! Below are the best couple/family costumes that I've come across this year. Maybe this will give you all some ideas for next year!

Drum roll please......

Presenting the award for Most Unique Couples Costume: Google Maps!

Point A to B with Maps in Between!

Hipster-est Couple Costume: Gotye and Kimbra

I have no idea how they did it, but it's pretty sweet. 

Creepiest Couple Costume: Mr. and Mrs. Hello Kitty 

 I am a huge HK fan...and I'm terrified.

Muppitiest Costume: The Manah-Manah Aliens! 

Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo!

Best Disney costume: Mary Poppins and Burt

Chim-Chimney Chim Chim Chim Cheroo!

Best Father and Son Couple Costume: Up!

Ridonkulously Cute!!!!

Best Star Wars Couple Costume: EWOKS!!!

Ewok BFFS.

Best Harry Potter Costume: Harry and Ron as Lovers 

The perfect spin on the Hogwarts BFFs....
If it weren't for Hermione I'd believe it!!!
These two are just two cute <3 br="br">

Best Barbie and Ken: Toy Story Style

Perfect addition to Barbie/Ken couple idea!

The Nerdiest Family award goes to.....The Drogo Family from Game of Thrones!

Featuring Khal, Khaleesi and her
little dragons..any  GOT fan
HAS TO LOVE IT!

Best Zombie couple!

That's Legit Zombie Lovin' right there!

Easiest to Execute Costume Couple : Dexter and Murder Victim

It's the perfect set up for a heterosexual couple.
The girls gets to dress slutty and the
guys costume is super easy . 

Best cartoon couple: Finn and Princess Bubblegum

I may be biased because I love Adventure Time,
but you have to admit this is a great one!

Best indie film couple costume: Suzy and Sam from Moonrise Kingdom

Last but not least....WORST COUPLE COSTUME OF THE YEAR goes to....Woman in Labor and Baby.

No one...and I mean NO ONE wants to see that. I think I'm going to see that man's face in my nightmares for the rest of the year. 

Next year I hope to have some more submissions for best couple/family costumes! Until then...Happy Halloween!!!!

Halloween Costume Awards 2012!!!