Yes, it's another post about P.M.S.

As long-standing, loyal "It's Up to Us blog" readers know, I've already written a blog post about PMS read it here! Click! because I feel it is an important topic that influences relationships in many ways. It has occurred to me, though, that I just didn't spend enough time discussing such an unbelievably uncomfortable subject. So this blog post is for those hooligans who were yearning and pining for more on what happens during a women's menstrual cycle. Take it away, Melanie! Don't mind if I do....

 PMS really sucks (have I said that already?). There is no intellectual, scientific or spiritual way to explain exactly HOW frustrating and debilitating the emotions can be, especially when a woman considers herself a strong, independent and driven person. When the hormones caused by pre-menstrual syndrome plague a woman's body, even menial tasks can seem like climbing Mount Everest. It can be hard to concentrate and for some women, hard to find the motivation to get through the day. It's different for all women, of course. Some have extreme symptoms, while some have none at all (you bastards!). However, we can all agree that it's not an easy subject to deal with.


The only way I know how to deal with difficult subjects is with a little humor......

Dear ________,
Please...please tell me my skin looks amazing - because I guarantee you that despite the nightly mud masks I've been doing to clear my pores my face still looks disgusting under this makeup. Why is it that we turn into pubescent teenagers during the week before our periods?

Have I lost weight? Why yes, darling of course I have! Never mind the king size bag of peanut butter M&M's I ate last night in bed while watching "Beaches" for the 300th time.  That is, of course why I am wearing sweats and why I look adorable in them. Thank you so much for acknowledging how cute I am when I become offended at everything you say and expect you to apologize for things you didn't do.

Love, your PMSing sister,wife,friend,girlfriend.

P.S. bring some chocolate home with you.


                                         ~~~~~~~~~~~

<-----------This is a completely legitimate fear. Do you understand how it feels to seem crazy for a week out of every month, especially if this isn't something you normally experience? In addition to the symptoms is the guilt of feeling unable to function normally. In my experience, feeling guilty about feeling emotional and unstable only compounds the problem. Maybe we all should stop trying to act like everythings O.K. and own up to the fact that we are PMSing the crap out of ourselves and need to lie down. Also, God forbid that a day every arrives where medical researchers discover that PMS isn't real and these are our real personalities. I guarantee you it will be worse than the zombie apocalypse.

                                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Although I will admit that this  acronym is quite funny, it shouldn't be true AT ALL. It is so often that we spend time being rude to people when we are PMSing, especially the important men in our lives. Females, men are not our enemies during this time of turmoil and emotional rollercoasterism ! With the right instruction and tools, men can be our allies and partners against the hormonal fluctuations that rage a battle on our minds and bodies. Let us all gather together and declare war on hormones as they seek to threaten our sanity and well-being! They can take our bodies, but they can't take our relationships! (5 bucks to the first person who tells me what I took that from).

Hi ho, hi ho...it's off to cry we go. Whistle Whistle *sob* Whistle. Since I love Disney, I adore this little ditty. I'm not quite sure about itchy though. I have yet to feel itchy during my PMS experience.

                                

                                          ~~~~~~~~~

I hope you all enjoyed that slightly less serious blog spot on PMS. I cannot guarantee this will be the last one either. Comment away if you dare!

Yes, it's another post about P.M.S.

Is Social Networking Ruining Relationships?

I was talking to my mom the other day about dating and communication and she told me that in her younger dating years there were pretty much only three forms of communication: face to face, the phone (A LANDLINE phone), and letters (aka snail mail). Not only that, but her college dorm had only one communal phone for use in the dorm hall. She had to wait her turn to make any calls and it was almost impossible to receive calls. I compare that to how things are today and I realize how drastically things have changed. Now, how many forms of communication are there? Lets count: face to face, a landline phone, a cell phone, letters (I miss these), emailing, texting, IMing, tweeting, instagramming, facebook, skype, games "with friends". I’m sure there are some I’m missing! I just counted 13!! Compared to my moms measly 3 methods of communicating, that number is pretty enormous. Since we have all these new forms of communicating, you’d think we’d be experts at it, right? Unfortunately, this is not even close to the case. Researchers are finding that although we have quadrupled the number of available forms of communication, the quality of the communication has not improved. As I reflect on this issue, I started thinking of some "positives" and "negatives" about the forms communication we have in this generation and how it influences relationships.

POSITIVE: Social networking makes it a lot easier to plan gatherings with friends, which can help maintain relationships.
Those who know me know I love to plan :) . Things like texting and facebook make it a lot easier to plan a group event or even a single outing with a friend because you can send a quick text or facebook invite to see who’s available. It also makes it a lot easier to coordinate! Cheers to the planners out there!

Survey from MensHealth.com

NEGATIVE: You have to see what everyone is doing without you. With features like checking in, we now know where everyone is all the time and sometimes that can make a person feel left out. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to stop checking in. But how many of you have gotten jealous or sad because you were too busy to hang out with your friends then you get to see all their pictures and check-in’s having a BLAST on facebook and it makes you feel like doo-doo? Come on, you know it’s happened.


POSITIVE: It makes it a lot harder for people to lie, or cheat. Has anyone seen the commercial where the guy is on a first date with a girl and he is bragging about how he wants kids, a big house with a picket fence and wants to get married right away, and then she says, “Well how come your relationship status says, ‘Never wants kids?” I love that commercial. Shadiness is harder to accomplish thanks to facebook. Thanks to text messages, there is evidence to prove the douchebaginess of lying men and women everywhere! Muahaha!


NEGATIVE: A new way to be passive aggressive. You’ve seen it and maybe you’ve done it. You’re mad at your significant other and instead of telling them or calling them you post a song, quote or picture that is directed completely towards them. Cowards! As if we already didn’t have a problem with being passive aggressive in our face-to-face interactions….

POSITIVE: I'm at a loss.

NEGATIVE: We are becoming socially inept. I am praying for the future generation. Have you ever met a person who seems super outgoing, talkative and intelligent on facebook or texting, and then when you are face-to-face with them its like hanging out with a brick wall? All of this typing and written communication is ruining people’s ability to communicate verbally. We have learned to feel comfortable communicating behind the protection of a phone or a computer screen and so much is lost in the process. Non verbal cues make up a large percentage of what we communicate to other people. I’m sorry, but an emoticon does not take the place of real non-verbal cues. -_-  Angry Face.

POSITIVE/NEGATIVE:
We are being forced to define our relationships through social networking sites. Single, In a relationship, It’s complicated, I don’t give a sh*t. Okay maybe I do, because it mattered to me to change my relationship status on facebook. I would most likely be offended if the guy I was seeing didn’t want to change their status. What do they have to hide, right? Maybe it’s a good thing, because it allows you to take ownership of your status, and show the world you are proud of who you are with. However, it can get a bit annoying when someone’s relationship status changes daily.

NEGATIVE: Increased written communication can cause more arguments. How many people have gotten in a text argument with someone? BAD IDEA. Trying to communicate feelings and what is REALLY going on by IMing or texting someone never works because everyone types differently and relays information differently. I can’t even count the times where I thought someone was mad at me because of a text message when they were really just responding quickly because they were busy. If you have something important to discuss, pick up the phone or meet up with the person!!! Oh and another thing, don’t get mad because your boyfriend or friends didn’t “like” your status. Also, the number of people who comment your profile picture does NOT define your self-worth. You’re not better than me because you have 500 more facebook friends.

this one cracks me up!

Can you think of some more positive/negatives? How do you feel about how social networking is affecting our relationships?

Let me hear your thoughts!

Is Social Networking Ruining Relationships?

Women Are Crazy, Men Are Stupid: Dealing with the Subject of “Unnecessary” Drama

It quite annoys me when I hear men say that women, “love drama,” however sometimes I think it might be true (to an extent) Why else are all daytime soap operas marketed towards females? You HAVE to have some sort of masochistic love for drama to sit through the torture of Marlena on Days of our Lives getting kidnapped for the 45th time in 20 years. Somehow in the scheme of things the female race has been given the label “drama queen” which is unfortunate because when there actually IS something wrong we get patronized for showing emotion! We can blame it on society or history or the massive boom of “Real Housewives” reality shows. However, men also have the capacity to cause just as much drama (Ahem, Mike the Situation. Wait, do Jersey Shore cast members count as real people??). My theory is that women cause drama because they are either very unhappy, they think too much or they are just insane – maybe a little bit of all three.



For this particular subject I had the urge to reach out to my “It’s Up to Us Blog” female audience and find out how they feel about “unnecessary drama.” The survey was taken by 44 women ranging in ages 18-40 years old. Let’s see what they had to say…..

84.1% of female survey participants said that they have created unnecessary drama in a relationship with the opposite sex!!!

Jeez Louise, we’ve admitted to it! I can’t deny these percentages and I won’t. It’s apparent that women tend to stir up uncomfortable situations every now and then and we aren’t afraid to fess up to it. The question is, WHY?

When asked if alcohol or any other substance has been involved during instances of unnecessary drama, 31.7% said Yes, 58.5% said No.

I guess not all women out there turn into Snooki when they are drunk and "Jersey Turnpike" every inanimate object they come across… (“BUT GIANNII….”) Okay enough of the Jersey Shore references.

~~~

When asked about the cause of the unnecessary drama I gave the following choices: PMS, needing attention, subconsciously unhappy with the relationship, a way of “testing” their partner.

Okay let’s face it. PMS happens (Read This Blog Post for More on PMS) and sometimes we get crabby. If a man wants to be with a woman that’s the price he has to pay. It’s much better than actually having to shed your uterine lining once a month and being bloated for 90 days out of the 365 a year. Suck it up! Half the time unnecessary drama ensues is because a man doesn’t know how to properly deal with a woman during PMS. Can I get an “amen?”



The option, “PMS” almost tied with the other possible choices. The fact is, sometimes people can be unhappy in a relationship and they don’t know how to express it, or they are hoping things will change for the better. Instead of expressing this unhappiness, it manifests in unnecessary drama. This is something that either sex can cause.


As for “needing attention,” this may well be the #1 source of the epidemic of reality shows out there. People crave attention, then they cause a scene or do a bunch of idiotic things (i.e. sex tapes, showing your coo-ka to the papparazzi, getting married and divorced in 72 days) and they get the attention they are seeking– simple as that.


Testing a partner is definitely another valid source of drama. We might make a comment or do something that makes another person uncomfortable just to see how they will react or to see if they are really “all in” the relationship. Just because we do it, doesn’t mean it's right.


                                               ~~~


When asked if their partners dealt with the unnecessary drama in a positive way it was split almost 50/50: 45% of the women said “Yes” and 55% said “No.” That’s encouraging because it seems that most guys want to run from the first sight of drama instead of actually figuring out the root of it!


My final question was, “What would you say, in your words, is the main reason women cause unnecessary drama?”

Here are some of my favorite responses:


“Someone women may come from a background where 'drama' is the norm and so they continue to recreate it in their relationships because that is what they know.” This is such a good point. Maybe some of us just don’t know better and the only way we know how to communicate is to create dramatic situations.


“I don’t think women cause drama, people do.” High five!


“There’s always a hidden meaning behind the drama, whether is subconscious or conscious.” If you take anything out of this post, take this quote!!! There is most likely always a reason for the drama we cause, or anyone causes. When things are going well in life we don’t usually stir things up. However, sometimes our problems come out in a way we don’t expect them to. The next time you feel that someone is “causing drama” with you, think about their motive and personal experience.


“The cause of drama is insecurity with ones self or in past relationships.” Ding, ding, ding!


“Guys don’t understand our drama the way our girlfriends do!” There’s some major truth to this. I’ve had some gnarly dramatic arguments with some of my best girlfriends, but it’s made us closer in the end. Just as we dramatically screamed and yelled at each other, we hugged and cried and apologized in the same dramatic fashion. Maybe girls are just used to dealing with conflict this way, whereas guys tend to skip the apology and tears and take each other out for a beer.


“Insecurities created by unreal expectations of what a relationship should be according to standards they see on TV or read in magazines.” Wow. I have some smart readers. It is very true that women have certain expectations of how men should react and respond to us. I blame it on chick flicks. Damn you Ryan Gosling and The Notebook!

“Because men don't understand how sensitive we are, and when we realize this lack of sensitivity we get upset, which is what they refer to as "drama.” I have nothing else to add except a round of applause.

 "Unaware or not brave enough to communicate their true needs. We often use passive aggressive or aggressive comments that create drama instead of just being real and honest."

                                               ~ ~ ~


I wish I could have listed all of the quotes on there because they are AMAZING! I want to thank all the women who took this survey because I couldn’t have done it without you.






So what do you think about “unnecessary drama?”






         COMMENTS APPRECIATED!!!!












Women Are Crazy, Men Are Stupid: Dealing with the Subject of “Unnecessary” Drama

The Top 10 Relationships You’re Glad You’ve Never Been In

How hot is his Tattoo?

#10 Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey

This couple was one of the first to start the trend where C/D-list celebrities broadcast their marriage that no one cares about in order to get people to care about them and make $$$.  This trend = major entertainment for the American public. Without Jessica, how else would we have learned that “Chicken of the Sea” was actually Tuna fish? She literally saved my existence. Unfortunately after three long, devoted years of marriage the couple divorced and we got another D-list hit from Nick Lachey entitled, “I Can’t Hate You Anymore.” Yes, I have it on my Ipod. 

Sigh <3

#9 Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf

It started out as hatred and ended up in sex-love-hate-despise-love-hate and then “I can’t marry you because I made a pact with God  so he could save your life.” Really, Gossip Girl? Okay don’t get me wrong, I DV-R this show every week and haven’t missed an episode but I just don’t get it, WHEN WILL THEY FINALLY GET TOGETHER? No human being on this earth has ever and will ever go through the amount of turmoil and drama that this couple has. Lucky for them, they are both extremely good looking, so we put up with it. Maybe next week Deroda will try to get Blair and Chuck together but Dan will stop them and propose to Blair, then Serena will get jealous and make out with Chuck. Then in a grand finale cliff hanger, Nate suddenly decides he’s in love with Serena agai. Sounds like a typical gossip girl episode to me!





#8 Katie Holmes and Tom

Cruise
I don’t wanna wait, for my liiiife to be over. Every time I would hear that Paula Cole theme song start up on Dawson’s Creek my heart soared because I knew it was another week of obsessing over how cute Katie Holmes was – emphasis on was. She was cute until she married Tom Cruise and now I don’t even know WHO SHE IS ANYMORE!!!! What happened to Joey, the innocent, crooked mouthed, overly eloquent teen who just wanted to paint? She married Mr. Scientology and had what I’m pretty sure is an Asian Baby named Suri. Why, Katie, Why? Need more on crazy Tom Cruise? Click Here. 



#7 Michael Lohan and Kate Major

Did anyone watch the last season of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew? If you have, you’ll know why this couple is on this list. What do you get when you put two crazy people in a relationship? Shenanigans. What do you get when you put two crazy people addicted to drugs/alcohol in a relationship? Pure INSANITY. I have never seen a man so torn up over a woman in my life. Kate told Michael at one point, “I’m not even attracted to you! You’re old, you’re ugly and you’re bald!” Oh yeah, and that’s saying a lot because her former boyfriend was Jon Gosselin (see #5). If you ask me, they both need to lay off the drugs....and based on that picture stay out of the sun for a very long time.

So awkward.

#6 Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner…and John Mayer…and Jake Gyllenhaal

For such a wholesome little country girl, this chick has been around. I believe it started with Joe Jonas but I’m not sure where the lineup goes from there. I DO know, however, that she dated Taylor Lautner of Twilight fame and they absolutely murdered the portrayal of their relationship in the movie Valentine’s Day. I also have no idea how she didn’t get her emotions murdered by John Mayer because that guy is a douche, or maybe as her song suggests he’s just, “Mean?” Finally, I pretty much wanted to murder her with my bare hands when she took take Jake Gyllenhaal from me. 



Keepin' It Classy

 #6 Britney Spears and Kevin Federline
Following in the footsteps of Jessica and Nick, K-Fed and Spears tried to do the reality show idea and it failed miserably. Perhaps K-Fed’s hot body and excellent rapping skills weren’t able to compete with Nick Lachey’s boy band dancing skills. Either way, this marriage failed and they got two whole kids out of it! The rumor is that Britney paid for her own wedding ring, isn’t that just so darn sweet? To top it off, instead of going to Brazil on their honeymoon as planned, they spent it at “Baton Rouge’s Mall of Louisiana.” There’s nothing trailer trash about that at all. Lucky for us, Britney is still going strong with nasally #1 hits and K-Fed is nowhere to be seen after they cancelled his tour because no one bought tickets. Sorry, buddy.  

 #5 Jon and Kate Gosselin

One day TLC said to Kate Gosselin, “You’re pregnant with 6 kids because you injected so many hormones in you that you look like a hot air balloon with an 8 year old boy’s hair cut? Let’s give you a TV show!” No one, and I mean NO ONE wanted to see that video clip of how big her belly was when she was carrying the sextuplets. I literally used to fast forward that portion of the intro every time because it made me gag. On that note, we also really didn’t want to witness Kate constantly ordering Jon around like he was one of the eight. That relationship was a train wreck from the beginning. It really should have been called, “Kate plus 8 and a man boy with no balls.”

#4 Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries                  

Poor guy…. No, really….Poor guy. I think we need to take a moment of silence to mourn the butchering of Kris Humphries by the Kardashian clan. He may have the brain capacity similar to an 7 year old child but he didn’t deserve to be ridiculed the way he was. Everyone has their theories on whether this relationship was a hoax or not. I personally don’t care. Let this be a lesson to any athlete who gets lured in by the eyelash extensions and butt implants also known as the Kardashian sisters. R.I.P. Kris Humphries.  P.S. I'm still watching all the shows, Khloe and Lamar are cute :)

#3 Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and Sammy Giancola

Also known as “Sammie” and “RAHHNNN” by many of those who have seen them fight. Let’s face it, what would the first three seasons of The Jersey Shore be without them? They are best worst fighting couple ever. My favorite fight is when they went to Karma and they got drunk and then Sammi got mad and they fought all night. My other favorite is when they went to Karma and they got drunk and Sammi got mad….Oh – wait. What can I say? Love is battlefield. I also wanna say, “RAHN, STAP…I’m DUHN…STAP.”

#2 Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt

You almost forgot about them didn’t you? This fabulous little couple made themselves famous in a big way by being completely idiotic, just a little bit more than your usual stupid celebrity. I’ll never forget the cinematic treasure of a music video Spencer made of Heidi’s song, “Higher.” (Watch Here) It was like a nightmarish auto-tuned porno with no sex. Another favorite was their very brief appearance on “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here” in which Spencer decided he was a born again Christian. That was the only season of that show I watched. I love you Speidi. I hope all the money you spent on Spencer’s crystals and Heidi’s Barbie breasts (and butt) was worth it.

#1 Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchinson

Apparently once you make a microscopic appearance on a hit show like “Lost” you lose all of your decency and the ability to attract women your own age. This couple is absolutely the worst couple in America. I don’t even need to write anything under this headline for you to understand how disgusting they are – all you need to do is Google it. She’s 16 and he’s 51 and she spends her days tweeting about how her appetite becomes, “anxiously aroused as I vivaciously cook a very sexy veggie supper while wearing Victoria’s Secret.” She was a naturally pretty teenager and after extensive plastic surgery and spending 24 hours straight in a tanning salon, she is unrecognizable. I’m pretty sure people are going to make Halloween masks of her face this year. I swear to God if I have to look at another picture of her with pouty fish lips and seizure eyes I am going to shoot someone.

So tell me, Who's your favorite? And feel free to add to the list! Thanks Everyone!

The Top 10 Relationships You’re Glad You’ve Never Been In

Opinions on Valentine's Day

I’m sure many of you are aware (or attempting to forget) that Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Since my blog is about love, relationships, men and women etc. I felt the need to write a little ditty on this quite controversial holiday. Last year, I wrote about Blue Valentine, the awesome movie with my man Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams. (Check it out here!)


The following opinions are based on my conversations with people and my own personal experience. I’d love to hear what other opinions are out there!

Single People Say They Hate Valentine’s Day Just Because They Are Single

When I heard someone say this, I was single – and I got quite offended. I was quite positive that my hatred for Valentine's Day was based on the frivolity of the holiday and my feminist desire to be independent. I even convinced myself I hated flowers because they ended up dying anyway. However, after the first time I fell in love things changed. 

I think this statement might be true, at least in my case. I’ve had an ambivalent relationship with this holiday. I’ve hated it, and I’ve loved and I’ve exploited it – but I’m pretty sure that my hatred for it really just stemmed from not having anyone to celebrate with! I can’t believe I’m admitting this!


It comes down to this – if you’re going to hate Valentine’s Day, hate it when you’re single and in a relationship. Don’t jump the “hate” bandwagon just because love wasn’t good to you this past year. Instead, take the day to spend it with someone you love, it doesn’t have to be in a romantic way.


It’s A Females Holiday
Maybe we should just change the name of Valentine’s Day to “Women’s Appreciation Day.” Let’s face it, it’s a holiday that women seem to care more about than men. I don’t think its completely our fault either – everything about the advertising for this holiday is geared towards women. We are bombarded with female oriented colors (PINK!!!), ads for jewelry and flowers, and commercials with half naked Victoria Secret models telling us to “show me you love me” by buying lingerie. No wonder women get so crazy about this holiday!


I’m not trying to blame society. Okay maybe I am. Either way, it wouldn’t hurt men to buy us some beautiful flowers once a year. It’s the least they can do because we give birth and menstruate once a month and we are still considered minorities. So suck it up and buy us something pretty!

While men may need to suck it up, women also need to step up to the plate. Valentine's Day shouldn't be a one sided affair where all the pressure is put on men to think of something extremely romantic and take their partner's breath away. Why is it up to a man to amaze a women with his romantic gestures? Females can also be romantic and show their appreciation for their partner. They can...and they SHOULD. If you plan on celebrating the holiday, honor it by showing someone you care and not expecting them to do all the work.

Note: This is why most men hate V-day. Females who expect alot and don't give in return. Give, and you shall receive!

 It’s a Greeting Card Holiday

Valentine’s Day is 100%, without question, a greeting card holiday. Unfortunately, like most holidays in the U.S., it originated as something completely different than what it is today. The origin isn’t even completely decided on (Read About it! Click Here). We know it is based on St. Valentine and the actual date was declared in the Middle Ages. What troubles me is that it started out with people writing hand written notes and exchanging small gifts to show each other they care and now it’s been exploited by commercialism and greed. What else is new? Consider St. Patricks Day: it started as an Irish holiday and now it’s an excuse for bars to charge a $20 cover just so people can get in and wear green beads and spend extra money getting drunk on green beer.

If Valentine’s Day is a greeting card holiday then St. Patrick’s Day is a bar holiday and Christmas is a department store holiday and Halloween is a random-costume-store-that-only- opens-up-once-a-year holiday. Let’s face it, ALL of our holidays are exploited. Why do we hate V-Day but still go out and spend money for all the other holidays?


It Was Fun in Elementary School

I LOVED Valentine’s Day in Elementary School. Everyone was required to give every single person in the class a Valentine so no one was left out. Plus, we got to spend almost an entire day doing fun activities and having a party with cupcakes and candy! What kid wouldn’t love that? I remember spending an hour in Target trying to figure out which Valentine cards to get: Star Wars themed or Polly Pocket? I was a gender conflict child. If only Valentine’s Day was as fun as it was in elementary school. Sigh.


Valentine’s Day Can Be Fun Whether You’re Single or In A Relationship

I respect everyone’s decision on this holiday, whether you hate it, love it or just don’t care. Just know that you can have fun with it no matter what your status is. Don’t let society make you feel bad because you don’t have a Valentine this year. Instead, get your fellow singles together and go out! It’s about love so find someone you love and tell them how you feel. Hey you might even get lucky and find a bar to go to where there is a raffle for a free breast augmentation in honor of St. Valentine . Yes, there’s a story behind that (and it's a good one), but my lips are sealed.

Opinions on Valentine's Day

Can We Really "Have It All?"

In our current post-modern, (kind of) pro-female society, it is quite acceptable for a female to pursue the whole package: marriage, family, a successful career and an active social life. With that also comes the expectation that we should maintain a fit, healthy body, youthful skin, and an updated wardrobe. I mean, just because we get 4 hours of sleep a night and have to work 10 times as hard to get that promotion, doesn’t mean we should get lazy and skip the gym, right? No ladies, get your ass into that Zumba class, I don’t care if your eyelids are drooping with fatigue and your legs feels like they are going to collapse under you. You need that tight butt and killer abs because how else are you going to land a husband? I would also recommend spending hundreds of your hard earned money on facial products and cosmetics that make you look young and feminine at all times. Are we all clear?



What I REALLY would like to know is this: Does the world (i.e. men, employers, marketing executives) realize how hard it is to truly “have it all?” In my opinion it’s not just hard, it’s impossible.


As a way to gain research experience I worked as an assistant to doctoral candidates on a study about “Work Life Balance” for women. This study not only helped me comprehend how many successful women exist in this world but also how absolutely difficult it is to balance all the endeavors women strive towards. It also made me realize how much pressure women face to manage everything that is expected of us! We are encouraged and expected to go to college and get a job; but we should also get married, have babies and still look good after it’s all said and done. I’m sorry, but just thinking about this makes me anxious. No wonder women have a higher rate of anxiety and depression in this country.

I recently watched the movie “The Iron Lady” with Meryl Streep (GO SEE IT!) about Margaret Thatcher’s career and life. Not only was it an incredibly well crafted film, but it also provoked my thoughts regarding women all over the world who want to be “game changers” and hold positions of power. Margaret was an amazing woman who accomplished such a great deal. It’s almost more inspiration than I can handle. However, the film also shows how her family suffered as a result of her high career aspirations. Her children were frustrated with her single mindedness and her husband was basically her support system. She wasn’t fully 100% a mother, prime minister and wife. So is that how it always has to be? If a woman wants to be president and she has young children would her husband have to fill some of the lacking caretaker role in her absence? Can a woman be 100% of everything in life or is that just too much?


I get it – no one’s perfect and nothing can ever be done without blemish. I guess my point of this blog post is to find out what other women feel and think about pursuing a career and wanting a family while also maintaining the “trivial” things like appearance and social life. All of these aspects are important, but how on earth are we supposed to balance them all without causing ourselves extreme anxiety? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Can We Really "Have It All?"

Why Men May Or May Not Love Bitches

As an aspiring clinical psychologist and therapist who desires to focus on relationship/sex therapy I have taken it upon myself to do some independent research in the field. Part of this research has required me to read some books that can be found in the “Self-Help” section of the book store. Let me tell you, as a former English major I never thought I’d find myself in this section. My book shelf was formerly full of classic novels, post-modern poetry and books on literary theory and now it is packed with self help and psychotherapy books. Who would have known?


As I first skimmed the “Self-Help” aisle a certain title caught my eye: “Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl – A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship.” Definitely unconventional, so I decided to give it a try. As you’ll see in this post, I have a bit of a mixed review on this book – but that didn’t stop me from buying a copy for all of my girlfriends. :)


My biggest problem with this book is the term, Bitch. I am not going to lie; I am guilty of calling my friends bitch as a joke on a regular basis, even though it has very negative connotations. Somehow this word that used to be defined as female dog came to mean a negative, rude, jerk of a woman who is possibly PMS-ing. Then, magically the word transformed its meaning to become a term of endearment among women of today. I have no idea how it happened, but being a “bitch” these days isn’t always a bad thing.

I’m a walking contradiction, because although I’ve used it as a joke with my friends, I don’t necessarily feel comfortable with just anyone calling me a “bitch,” ESPECIALLY a man. Despite how much wisdom this book has to offer women that are “too nice,” I still don’t feel comfortable with the idea that I have to call myself a “bitch” to keep a man around. The author does explain that the word “bitch” in the title “does not take itself too seriously” in the introduction and that it is supposed to represent the tongue-in-cheek humorous tone of the book. I didn’t really feel like this resonated throughout the book and I think this same wisdom could have been used with different terminology. However, I’m pretty sure that the title is what made this book sell in the first place so I’ll leave it alone.


So what is a “bitch” that is loved by men? She is “kind, yet strong. She doesn’t give up her life, and she won’t chase a man.” Sounds good to me, but I still ain’t a bitch!


Another term the author uses is being the “dumb fox” which I REALLY do not like, especially since I am a major promoter of education. She poses the idea that men like to be right (but doesn’t everybody?) so in order to “handle his ego” we have to use the three words that will turn any man on: “You are Right.” But what if he is DEAD WRONG? Sweetie, NO! Not happening. If a guy is right and I am aware of it, I’ll admit it. However, if he’s completely wrong and this is an important issue to me I’ll just agree to disagree. If it is a trivial subject that really isn’t worth the argument, learn to let it go. Just as I ain’t a bitch, I AIN’T A DUMB FOX!


Okay, now that I’ve established my problems with the book, I do want to highlight some AWESOME wisdom this book as to offer. This book is actually worth reading for women who have had some issues standing up for themselves in the romance game or gotten walked all over by a member of the opposite sex. So here they are:


Attraction Principle #23: (59)

"Before Sex, a man isn’t thinking clearly and a women is thinking clearly. After sex it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and the woman isn’t." (Want more? Read this blog post: "My Hormones Are In Love With You"

 Attraction Principle #43 (103)

"If you allow your rhythm to be interrupted, you’ll create a void. Then, to replace what you give up, you’ll start to expect and need more from your partner." (i.e. Don’t stop all the normal things you do in life, that you ENJOY, just because a man has entered your life. He is part of your life, not your ENTIRE life.)


Attraction Principle #44 (104)

"Most women are starving to receive something from a man that they need to give themselves." (AMEN!)


And finally...
 “The bitch is not governed by fear of losing a man, because she knows the real price to pay is when she loses herself.”


This is only a tiny sliver of what this book has to offer. I would definitely encourage any woman to read this book, despite some of the terminology. You can find it on Amazon for a reasonable price!


If anyone has read this book or has an opinion to share I would LOVE to hear it so please comment the blog or facebook! Thanks!



and finally....

Why Men May Or May Not Love Bitches