Check that little comic out. Makes me laugh. Hardy-har-har. Only because it’s kind of true.
It’s an age-old thought: a man fakes (or claims) love to get physical needs met while a woman uses physical needs to get love.
I am quite aware this isn’t always the case and that there are exceptions to this rule, so I’m going to speak on what I’ve learned in my experience and those I’ve heard from others.
I am quite aware this isn’t always the case and that there are exceptions to this rule, so I’m going to speak on what I’ve learned in my experience and those I’ve heard from others.
Fundamentally we know this exists at a certain point: men want sex and women want love, intimacy and a feeling of closeness. I love how I used 6 words to describe what women want (which doesn’t even begin to really describe it) and only one simple word to describe what men want. Ha! As a result of these desires, things happen, people come together and engage in a plethora of different activities, and as a result emerges the dreaded word……
Attachment.
Attachment.
You would think we (society, human kind, whoever) would have exhausted this subject already….but as I did some research and looked for related articles I really didn’t find much. I found many references to an episode of Sex And The City where Carrie asks the question “Is it possible for a woman to have sex like a man?” The episode portrays the four SATC women attempting to do this and conclude that physical involvement it isn’t quite the same experience for women that it is for men.
I think it just comes down to the fact that by nature, (GENERALIZATION) men can compartmentalize better than women when it comes to physical intimacy. We are biologically different which explains a lot of the differences in how we process feelings and experience sex. I’m sure many of you know about all the wonderful hormon-ees (Yes, that’s a Big Fat Greek Wedding reference) that drive us to do the things we do. For example, the wonderful neurotransmitter Oxytocin, also known as “ the cuddle hormone”, is released during physical intimacy, i.e. kissing, hugging, touching and the big O. I definitely have a love/hate relationship with this neurotransmitter. There are many others that I encourage you to read up on. You might want to start here: Read more!.
To females: we know we get more emotionally involved than men, it’s just a fact of life. What fathoms me is why we are so compelled to act like men and try our best not to experience attachment? Why are we trying to deny who we ARE? A possible contributing factor could be due to the fact that we live in a society that is obsessed with sex, love, romance, and physical intimacy which obviously doesn’t help our existing desire to be loved.
Alright, men, I want you to understand something: physical involvement for a woman CHANGES THINGS. Women like to pretend it doesn’t, but it does. Sometimes we like to claim that it won’t change anything and we’ll tell a man that all we want is a casual encounter. Then it happens and somehow our brain starts convincing us we want more or we start getting attached even when we don’t want to. So unfortunately, when you choose to get involved with a woman (despite what she says) the danger of attachment is there. So don’t act surprised, because I just warned you. I swear if more guys would understand and acknowledge this the world would be a better place.
So is there such thing as “No strings attached?”
As far as females are concerned, I think there are definitely ways of having casual encounters without feeling attached but it’s not easy unless you know exactly what you want (and you never see them again ha ha, just kidding?). So just beware when you decide to start a “fling” or cross a boundary with someone into the ever-so-ambiguous land of romance/sex/love. Your feelings are at stake and attachment can set in at any time. Above all, be honest with yourself and the other person and DON’T judge yourself if you make a decision to act on a desire. Finally, ladies don’t expect men to get emotionally attached at the rate you do, because it’s just not going to happen.
Just know that once you feel attached, that feeling is hard to shake……especially if you have to continue being around the person or you see them often. So think twice (or thrice!!!) before you decide to “woo-hoo” (that’s Sims slang, you love me for that!), because a “Woo Hoo” can turn into a Womp Womp if you aren’t careful. Quote of the day ;)
I feel like this is not the last post I am going to write about this issue.
I’ll end on that note and just say, “Until next time.” I hope to hear your thoughts.
9 comments:
First off, easy on the men, we have feelings too. Yes, I think women like to pretend that they have their feelings under control, but eventually and usually women start to have emotions quicker. I think there are guys that lie about their intensions in the relationship, usually saying they are looking for a house, kids, and white picket fence. Truth is that they just want to get into you’re paints. Here is an idea, why not make a guy really work for it.
See, when a child gets a toy for free, you can bet that it will be broken within the week. Make the child earn the toy through chorus and or work, and that toy will last a little longer. Men can be a lot like children… all the time. Most people, both men and women, do not appreciate what comes easy to them. So if they have to work for something, more than likely they will take care of it.
I have an idea; why don’t girls make men work for it a little more. In less you are looking for a little fling yourself; then by all means end it before those liars called endorphins starts being released. If you want a man to appreciate you, then make it earn it. Then you’ll see where he really stands; whether he really likes you or not. I think a man’s intensions are usually pretty obvious, but attraction is not a choice. I think girls don’t want to really ask themselves, “Is he really the right guy for me, or future children?”
Studies have shown that single mother usually raise children that will end up in jail at one time or another. Girls will often say the guy just changed one day. No, the truth is he was always that way; these women were more concerned about getting those good genes than whether he will make a good father. As a divorce paralegal for 4 years, I talked to many single mothers. A common answer when asked about the father is that he was an A-hole. Now, I’m sure the guy is an A-hole, but he was then as well.
It takes time for guys to develop feelings, so make it earn it. We will look at you more like a trophy we worked hard to get, and wouldn’t want to share or let anyone else touch it but us. Not all men are completely heartless, and not all girls are dumb falling for these heartless guys. An interview of this broken hearted women said that she was fooled into sleeping with this guy. Come on, who are we kidding? She wanted it just as bad or more than he did. Girls like to say it just happened? Or my personal favorite…. “I was drunk.”
Whatever the reasoning you choose just know you girls have the power to say yes or no to sex in the end. If you want to get laid, then go have fun. If you want a meaningful relationship, then make a man earn it. Pick wiser……. I guess the real question girls need to ask is, “what do I want?” I bet most girls couldn’t really answer that.
Some women, in my opinion, attempt to dispel their feelings of attachment seem to do so as a defense mechanism, perhaps due to an experience in the past.
Are you saying that the reason certain women attempt to shun these feelings of attachment is because they are constantly bombarded by idealizations of love, sex, romance etc?
And since when is attachment dangerous? I suppose better to have loved and lost then to not have loved at all doesn't work in this sense. Thanks for the read.
Also I'm glad you preface all of your generalizations haha
@ Mario. Yes I always try to preface my generalizations...because this blog is partially research based and partially experience based haha....so I don't want to make assumptions plus the world is a place of subjective experience :)
alright...so first things first. I agree completely - I think that we do try not "not get attached" sometimes as a defense mechanism. But it rarely works. If there is true chemistry with a person especially physical chemistry...even though we know a guy isn't good for us and we say we are just going to have a "fling" we get attached even if we don't want to.
I'm not necessarily saying that women try to shun these feelings of attachment because of the idealizations. I'm more saying that even when we say we don't wanna get attached and we "Just wanna have fun" we end up getting attached because its in our nature. Of course this is not the case with every guy.
And attachment is always dangerous...its only dangerous when you don't want to be attached and you are attached.
Get my drift?
Alright now to Daniel:
haha I am quite aware that men have feelings too :) And I think that those feelings come.....but in a lot of cases the attachment doesn't happen the way it does with women.
The idea of making a guy work for it _ GRRRREATTTT! idea. I should have an entire topic just on that alone. Because women really do NOT make guys work for it. Even if they try it seems to fail.
"Girls like to say it just happened? Or my personal favorite…. “I was drunk.” "
hahah I love it - very smart Daniel.
Women have more power than they think....
Hence the name of this blog ITS UP TO US!!!!!!!!!!!!
<3 you have given me more ideas for another blog post. You're awesome Daniel!
>>And attachment is always dangerous...its only dangerous when you don't want to be attached and you are attached.
Not sure about that statement.
Other than that, I get your drift! More! :)
haha why are you not sure about that statement?
if you don't want to be attached - say as a woman you just want to have fun, date, have a little fling, it's almost impossible because you'll end up getting attached even when you don't want to be.
I mean attachment *isnt always dangerous whoops. Not it is always dangerous.
ha ha tell me what you don't get.
"if you don't want to be attached - say as a woman you just want to have fun, date, have a little fling, it's almost impossible because you'll end up getting attached even when you don't want to be."
I'm not sure if women besides me are just mentally unstable, but unless you have really great chemistry with your fling, you don't become attached.
I don't get how sex can create feelings of love. I really think it has everything to do with the time the two people spend together not engaged in sex.
Sex is a way to express your feelings for someone. Whether they're lust, love, care, pity, friendship, desperation, whatever. Sex does not create the feelings; the feelings create the sex.
Ana - I totally see what you're saying. I think you can definitely have sex with someone and if there is no additional chemistry or connection you won't get attached. Or other aspects - I've been there.
I think sex can fuel the attraction you have to someone and possible cause attachment with either party because it's a very intimate act. But at the same time you can have sex with no strings and feel nothing afterward.
That hasn't always been my experience of course but I see what you're saying! Thanks for reading :)
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