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My Hormones Are In Love With You: Males, Females and Attachment

Check that little comic out. Makes me laugh. Hardy-har-har. Only because it’s kind of true.

It’s an age-old thought: a man fakes (or claims) love to get physical needs met while a woman uses physical needs to get love.

I am quite aware this isn’t always the case and that there are exceptions to this rule, so I’m going to speak on what I’ve learned in my experience and those I’ve heard from others. 

Fundamentally we know this exists at a certain point: men want sex and women want love, intimacy and a feeling of closeness. I love how I used 6 words to describe what women want (which doesn’t even begin to really describe it) and only one simple word to describe what men want. Ha!  As a result of these desires, things happen, people come together and engage in a plethora of different activities, and as a result emerges the dreaded word……

 Attachment.  

You would think we (society, human kind, whoever) would have exhausted this subject already….but as I did some research and looked for related articles I really didn’t find much. I found many references to an episode of Sex And The City where Carrie asks the question “Is it possible for a woman to have sex like a man?” The episode portrays the four SATC women attempting to do this and conclude that physical involvement it isn’t quite the same experience for women that it is for men. 

I think it just comes down to the fact that by nature, (GENERALIZATION) men can compartmentalize better than women when it comes to physical intimacy. We are biologically different which explains a lot of the differences in how we process feelings and experience sex. I’m sure many of you know about all the wonderful hormon-ees (Yes, that’s a Big Fat Greek Wedding reference) that drive us to do the things we do. For example, the wonderful neurotransmitter Oxytocin,  also known as “ the cuddle hormone”, is released during physical intimacy, i.e. kissing, hugging, touching and the big O. I definitely have a love/hate relationship with this neurotransmitter. There are many others that I encourage you to read up on. You might want to start here: Read more!. 

To females: we know we get more emotionally involved than men, it’s just a fact of life. What fathoms me is why we are so compelled to act like men and try our best not to experience attachment? Why are we trying to deny who we ARE? A possible contributing factor could be due to the fact that we live in a society that is obsessed with sex, love, romance, and physical intimacy which obviously doesn’t help our existing desire to be loved. 

Alright, men, I want you to understand something: physical involvement for a woman CHANGES THINGS. Women like to pretend it doesn’t, but it does. Sometimes we like to claim that it won’t change anything and we’ll tell a man that all we want is a casual encounter. Then it happens and somehow our brain starts convincing us we want more or we start getting attached even when we don’t want to. So unfortunately, when you choose to get involved with a woman (despite what she says) the danger of attachment is there. So don’t act surprised, because I just warned you. I swear if more guys would understand and acknowledge this the world would be a better place. 

So is there such thing as “No strings attached?” 

As far as females are concerned, I think there are definitely ways of having casual encounters without feeling attached but it’s not easy unless you know exactly what you want (and you never see them again ha ha, just kidding?). So just beware when you decide to start a “fling” or cross a boundary with someone into the ever-so-ambiguous land of romance/sex/love. Your feelings are at stake and attachment can set in at any time. Above all, be honest with yourself and the other person and DON’T judge yourself if you make a decision to act on a desire. Finally, ladies don’t expect men to get emotionally attached at the rate you do, because it’s just not going to happen. 

Just know that once you feel attached, that feeling is hard to shake……especially if you have to continue being around the person or you see them often. So think twice (or thrice!!!) before you decide to “woo-hoo” (that’s Sims slang, you love me for that!), because a “Woo Hoo” can turn into a Womp Womp if you aren’t careful. Quote of the day ;)

I feel like this is not the last post I am going to write about this issue. 

I’ll end on that note and just say, “Until next time.” I hope to hear your thoughts.

My Hormones Are In Love With You: Males, Females and Attachment

Let's Talk...About Talking: Men, Women and Words

Alright ladies, girls, women – admit it, we love to talk and we know it. Based on my conversations with male friends and significant others in the past, I hypothesized that for every 100 words a female speaks, a male speaks 10. Then I did some research.  I found an article that estimates that women talk three times more than men do (Read More). The article proposes that women speak “up to 20,000 words in a day - 13,000 more than the average man.” Holy moley! The article adds, and this gave me a chuckle, “Women also speak more quickly, devote more brainpower to chit-chat - and actually get a buzz out of hearing their own voices.” Ba ha! I believe it. 


Buzz buzz buzz.

I’ve come across some men in my lifetime who could definitely talk it up. But as a generalization (I do a lot of generalizing on this blog don’t I?) women tend to use more words than men. In my experience as a woman and with my female counterparts, we use talking to benefit our well-being. It is a form of therapy, an expression of emotion, a way to “vent” and so much more. There are so many times in my life where I’ve been down in the dumps, called one of my close friends, laughed about some inside jokes and my mood was immediately lifted! That’s also probably because I have an addiction to collecting inside jokes. ;)  

Talking is also a way of nurturing our minds without the need for coming up with a “solution” or a “fix” to the problem.  A quote from an article in Psychology today highlights the difference between men and women and the use of talking: “To a woman, the conveying of the "story" is as important as the story itself, but most men don't care about the details! They want to get to the bottom of things.” (See full article)

In my opinion, females are also experts at non-verbal communication - words are only a fraction of what we are truly communicating. Our voices, eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, and body language tell how we feel or what we are thinking, sometimes more than words can possibly express. Unfortunately, non-verbal communication can be even more powerful than words and can be used in manipulative ways, which enters dangerous territory. And remember, just because women have this acute ability to non-verbally communicate it doesn’t mean that all of men’s non-verbal cues should be analyzed, because half the time (or possibly more than that)   THEY MEAN NOTHING. 

Alright, so we get it…….we talk too much ok? I’m sorry I can’t help it, I am a woman and I have all these words in my head I need to get OUT! 

While doing research on the “talking imbalance” between men and women, I came across some other very interesting research and came up with a conclusion: Men may not talk as much as women, but what they lack in words they make up for with thoughts about sex. 

Yup, I said it.

 Per research from the Kinsey institute at Indiana University, “54% of men think about sex at least every day, 43% think about it a few times a week or month, and 4% once a month or less.” In contrast, “19% of women think about sex everyday or several times a day, 67% a few times per month or a few times per week, and 14% less than once a month” 19% versus 54% - although its not as drastic as some have estimated (“Men think of sex every 7 seconds FALSE), it is apparent that men think about it a lot more than women do.

So can I propose a compromise? We’ll (I speak for women of America) accept that fact that you (men of America) think about sex all the dang time if you will just let us talk and/or ramble on about things you may not necessarily care too much about every now and then. I propose a little swap of understanding, that’s all I’m sayin! 

I’ll end this post with three thoughts of the day to ponder:

·  Men and women THINK differently

·  Men and women SPEAK differently

·  Men and women DECIDE differently

And….that’s a wrap. Thanks again for reading my little blog friends!

 Here's a funny comic to end the day with....

 

Let's Talk...About Talking: Men, Women and Words