Are they all the same? The categories of men. (A post for the ladies!)

“All men are the same!”

If you are a woman, you have said this at least once in your lifetime. Personally, I think we like to say it. It reinforces when a man does something stupid or when we’ve been dumped. But it is true? Well I’d like to give you my theory which began its formulation circa 2001. If you are one of my close friends, you have heard my categorical theory of men so it’s just a nice refresher :).

So let me start by making this clear: ALL MEN WANT SEX 50-75% of the day, or more. If they are not thinking about that then they are thinking about food or sleep most of the time. It’s just a fact of life and I’ve accepted it. A majority of guys do not spend a great deal of time obsessing over relationships and although females have all heard this before we seem to really have a hard time getting it to resonate.

So men want sex. The key is how men DEAL with sex that makes them the type of guy they are.

Guy number 1: The "aggressive and aware of it" man

HeHelskdjalksas is sexual. He loves sex and he loves his man parts and he’s proud of it! He is the man who will flirt with you in a bar while using sexual connotations in his sentences. He is the man who will say outright "I want to f*** you!" and not apologize for it. He does not hide the fact that he enjoys women and sex and will do whatever he has to do to get it. 

         Under this category they are two subcategories:

 Perverted "aggressive and aware of it" man is the type of man who could possibly turn into a sex offender or be accused of a crime if he isn't careful. He is aggressive and will ask women on a date several times or just blatantly and not smoothly ask women for sex and expect a positive response. Creepster status.

Confident "aggressive and aware of it" man is that man who admits he wants sex and has the ability to convince a woman that doing it with him may be the most enjoyable experience of her life. He is the man who is the typical bad boy and "you know you want me" is plastered all over his forehead. The sad thing is, sometimes we actually consider the thought of having sex with this man!

So next we have guy number 2: The "passive-aggressive man"

He wants sex but likes to play it off like he couldn’t care less. Passive Aggressive man plays it smooth. He comes off as this sweet sensitive and caring guy and then he ignores you after the first sex encounter. He is the one who comes off as genuine and will screw you over in the end. They are aware that they want sex and have no intention of a relationship, even though they have the potential for one. Usually they are in need of attention so they cannot commit to one woman, because one is not enough. But they know that in order to stay on good terms with females they need to flirt and be on their "best behavior" so they put up a front: two faced. This guy is dangerous because when you are with him the attention that he gives you is extremely satisfying. The memories you make with him are unforgettable which keeps you coming back for more. In the end you get screwed and are screwed and he continues to mess with your mind. He tends to be a liar and will say anything, whether it is true or not, to get in your head (and pants). Sound familiar?

Guy number 3 is "the passive self-aware man.”

He can be respectful, romantic, and cerebral. He can also be reclusive, nerdy and inexperienced. He knows that he loves sex but has the ability to control it and is sometimes found getting more attached to a girl than she is to him. He doesn’t pursue casual sex encounters simply because he wants more than that. He is the man who wants marriage and a family one day and is o.k. with admitting that.  In the end, what really matters to him is having sex with someone he cares about. How can I explain this without him sounding like a woman? Needless to say, these men do exist! Unfortunately, relationships with them aren’t always a fairy tale. The passive self-aware man can also the overprotective leech who call you 10x a day and doesn’t feel comfortable with you hanging out with your friends alone. He may also rush the seriousness of the relationship. On the other hand he can also be the guy who avoids you because he felt uncomfortable. He’s a complicated man – but the way he deals with sex is probably the most desirable to women. Too bad we rarely want to date these guys off the bat.

When you meet this guy (because most women usually encounter this guy eventually) can either be annoying to you, or he can be refreshing. If he is your first boyfriend you will mostly likely take advantage of his niceness or feel smothered by his attention to you. But if you’ve been around the block and you’ve encountered man #1 and #2 you might feel refreshed by meeting him. You may also be frustrated because he isn't the "typical" guy you have encountered over the years.

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To end this long-winded post let me just say that these categories are flexible. A guy can be a #1 sometimes and a #2 other times in his life. Or he can have some qualities of all three categories, which I think most men are – this just to highlight what I’ve seen in my experience.

 So men want sex and in the end all three of these types eventually get laid. The need for sex is always satisfied, they just take three different routes to get there. While guy number two lies to get in your pants, guy number one tells the truth! 

So men are getting what they want. HOW COME WOMEN AREN'T?

Here is one suggestion:

Women want something that not all men can give, but men want something that ALL women have: a vajayjay.

:)

Are they all the same? The categories of men. (A post for the ladies!)

Valentine Blues ♥

Some of you may be aware of the indie film out, Blue Valentine featuring Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling (!!!!).  I definitely recommend this film for people who can handle a movie with some sadness and a little raw emotion. Besides the phenomenal acting performances, the plot provoked a great deal of thought in me regarding relationships.                                         

I'm not going to give any spoilers, but the overall plot of the film portrays the romantic relationship between two individuals. Parallel stories about their relationship are going on within the film, one that is very happy and hopeful and another that is tragic and heartbreaking. I was thinking about why I loved the film so much and it led to me to think back on how I asked “It’s Up to Us!” blog readers whether they thought it was worth it to love someone and lose than to never have loved in the first place.

As I watched some of the happy and hopeful scenes of the film I felt this sense of satisfaction and joy in watching two people fall in love and connect in this enormous way. The experience of connecting with someone, being completely on the same level and knowing that this feeling is reciprocated is one of the greatest experiences a human being can have, in my opinion. Then while watching the scenes where the relationship began to destruct, all I could think was, "All of this pain they are feeling right now....it is worth going through."

It's just worth it - the pain, the anger, and the frustration in realizing that you've changed or they have changed, or that you just don't feel the same, or that things aren't going to work out…or that you just aren't meant to be.
The time you spent with that person isn't wasted time, because you experienced unique happiness with that person that is important to your life story. So maybe it's time for us to focus on the positive time spent with a person rather than the fact that the relationship didn't finish with a "happy ending." Appreciate it for what it is.

The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.

There is a quote in the film where Michelle Williams' character asks her grandmother how anyone can know if their love will last? “How will you know if your feelings for a person won't fade?” And her grandmother replies by saying that there is no way to know. The only way to know is to have the feelings.

I think that paraphrases what the movie is all about and it's up to us as the viewers to decide whether we think it was worth it or not and apply that to our attitude about our own experience. We can look at it positively or negatively, it's all "Up to us" (!).

And I think I'm going to give "positive" a try......

I encourage you all today on Valentine’s Day to embrace this day for the sake of love, whether you are single or in a relationship. Ignore the annoying commercials and overpriced greeting cards. Celebrate the love you have in your life the way YOU want to!

Have a wonderful day!  ♥

Valentine Blues ♥

+ [plus] a boy[girl]friend… - [minus]friends. Do the math.

So I’m gonna get straight to the question I’m pondering: when two people “couple up,” whether it’s getting hitched or dating exclusively, why does it seem like they forget about their friends?

I’ve been guilty of it and I’m sure many other have too. But why does it happen?

 Three arguments come to mind – I don’t necessarily believe all three but I think that I’ve definitely thought about them at one point or another.

Romantic relationships are more important to us than friendships.

How much more emphasis is there in our society on relationships than friendships? If I try to think of 5 love songs off the top of my head I can easily, but I struggle to do the same for songs about friendships. Face it people, we love love. It gives us a thrill that cannot compete with the satisfaction a friend gives us, not to mention other physical benefits that come with romantic relationships.

From an evolutionary perspective, romantic relationships are more desirable because they satisfy our need to procreate and further our species. Friendships don’t really have an evolutionary purpose if you really think about it.

Romantic relationships take more effort than friendships, so when someone enters one they end up losing friends in order to make up for the time they need to maintain their new relationship.

I read an article about a news report from the British Science Festival where they figured when a person (this goes for both men and women) adds a new relationships they drop 2 friends (read the article for more info). They attribute this loss to the limited ability of human beings to maintain a certain amount of close relationships in their life at a time. So maybe our brains just cannot manage a significant other and keep all the friends they had when they were single.

Friendships are just fillers for what we really want: romance.

If this is true, I will cry. Because friends are really important to me and I don’t want to think of them as “fillers.” But I’ve been guilty of losing friends when gaining a significant other so I can’t really point any fingers at people. All I know is that I’m going to try my best to not do it again. C.S. Lewis brilliantly describes friendship in his book The Four Loves as a strong bond existing between people who share a common interest or activity. We need people in our lives who can share our interests besides our significant others. Plus, what are the odds that the person we couple with has all the same interests as us?

My thoughts of the day:

•  Friends are IMPORTANT. For single people and for people in relationships. When you isolate yourself in a relationship with another person you lose touch with reality. Friends make you live longer. So get out of your rabbit hole and remember that there are other people in the world other than your significant other.

•  If you lose your friends while in a relationship and then expect them to be there when you break up, you’re an idiot.
  
•  Keeping in touch with people really isn’t that hard, especially now that we have facebook, texting, cell phones, email….we really have no excuse for losing touch except that we are lazy.

It’s hard to find good friends people, so cherish the ones you have.

+ [plus] a boy[girl]friend… - [minus]friends. Do the math.