Can We Really "Have It All?"

In our current post-modern, (kind of) pro-female society, it is quite acceptable for a female to pursue the whole package: marriage, family, a successful career and an active social life. With that also comes the expectation that we should maintain a fit, healthy body, youthful skin, and an updated wardrobe. I mean, just because we get 4 hours of sleep a night and have to work 10 times as hard to get that promotion, doesn’t mean we should get lazy and skip the gym, right? No ladies, get your ass into that Zumba class, I don’t care if your eyelids are drooping with fatigue and your legs feels like they are going to collapse under you. You need that tight butt and killer abs because how else are you going to land a husband? I would also recommend spending hundreds of your hard earned money on facial products and cosmetics that make you look young and feminine at all times. Are we all clear?



What I REALLY would like to know is this: Does the world (i.e. men, employers, marketing executives) realize how hard it is to truly “have it all?” In my opinion it’s not just hard, it’s impossible.


As a way to gain research experience I worked as an assistant to doctoral candidates on a study about “Work Life Balance” for women. This study not only helped me comprehend how many successful women exist in this world but also how absolutely difficult it is to balance all the endeavors women strive towards. It also made me realize how much pressure women face to manage everything that is expected of us! We are encouraged and expected to go to college and get a job; but we should also get married, have babies and still look good after it’s all said and done. I’m sorry, but just thinking about this makes me anxious. No wonder women have a higher rate of anxiety and depression in this country.

I recently watched the movie “The Iron Lady” with Meryl Streep (GO SEE IT!) about Margaret Thatcher’s career and life. Not only was it an incredibly well crafted film, but it also provoked my thoughts regarding women all over the world who want to be “game changers” and hold positions of power. Margaret was an amazing woman who accomplished such a great deal. It’s almost more inspiration than I can handle. However, the film also shows how her family suffered as a result of her high career aspirations. Her children were frustrated with her single mindedness and her husband was basically her support system. She wasn’t fully 100% a mother, prime minister and wife. So is that how it always has to be? If a woman wants to be president and she has young children would her husband have to fill some of the lacking caretaker role in her absence? Can a woman be 100% of everything in life or is that just too much?


I get it – no one’s perfect and nothing can ever be done without blemish. I guess my point of this blog post is to find out what other women feel and think about pursuing a career and wanting a family while also maintaining the “trivial” things like appearance and social life. All of these aspects are important, but how on earth are we supposed to balance them all without causing ourselves extreme anxiety? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Can We Really "Have It All?"

Why Men May Or May Not Love Bitches

As an aspiring clinical psychologist and therapist who desires to focus on relationship/sex therapy I have taken it upon myself to do some independent research in the field. Part of this research has required me to read some books that can be found in the “Self-Help” section of the book store. Let me tell you, as a former English major I never thought I’d find myself in this section. My book shelf was formerly full of classic novels, post-modern poetry and books on literary theory and now it is packed with self help and psychotherapy books. Who would have known?


As I first skimmed the “Self-Help” aisle a certain title caught my eye: “Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl – A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship.” Definitely unconventional, so I decided to give it a try. As you’ll see in this post, I have a bit of a mixed review on this book – but that didn’t stop me from buying a copy for all of my girlfriends. :)


My biggest problem with this book is the term, Bitch. I am not going to lie; I am guilty of calling my friends bitch as a joke on a regular basis, even though it has very negative connotations. Somehow this word that used to be defined as female dog came to mean a negative, rude, jerk of a woman who is possibly PMS-ing. Then, magically the word transformed its meaning to become a term of endearment among women of today. I have no idea how it happened, but being a “bitch” these days isn’t always a bad thing.

I’m a walking contradiction, because although I’ve used it as a joke with my friends, I don’t necessarily feel comfortable with just anyone calling me a “bitch,” ESPECIALLY a man. Despite how much wisdom this book has to offer women that are “too nice,” I still don’t feel comfortable with the idea that I have to call myself a “bitch” to keep a man around. The author does explain that the word “bitch” in the title “does not take itself too seriously” in the introduction and that it is supposed to represent the tongue-in-cheek humorous tone of the book. I didn’t really feel like this resonated throughout the book and I think this same wisdom could have been used with different terminology. However, I’m pretty sure that the title is what made this book sell in the first place so I’ll leave it alone.


So what is a “bitch” that is loved by men? She is “kind, yet strong. She doesn’t give up her life, and she won’t chase a man.” Sounds good to me, but I still ain’t a bitch!


Another term the author uses is being the “dumb fox” which I REALLY do not like, especially since I am a major promoter of education. She poses the idea that men like to be right (but doesn’t everybody?) so in order to “handle his ego” we have to use the three words that will turn any man on: “You are Right.” But what if he is DEAD WRONG? Sweetie, NO! Not happening. If a guy is right and I am aware of it, I’ll admit it. However, if he’s completely wrong and this is an important issue to me I’ll just agree to disagree. If it is a trivial subject that really isn’t worth the argument, learn to let it go. Just as I ain’t a bitch, I AIN’T A DUMB FOX!


Okay, now that I’ve established my problems with the book, I do want to highlight some AWESOME wisdom this book as to offer. This book is actually worth reading for women who have had some issues standing up for themselves in the romance game or gotten walked all over by a member of the opposite sex. So here they are:


Attraction Principle #23: (59)

"Before Sex, a man isn’t thinking clearly and a women is thinking clearly. After sex it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and the woman isn’t." (Want more? Read this blog post: "My Hormones Are In Love With You"

 Attraction Principle #43 (103)

"If you allow your rhythm to be interrupted, you’ll create a void. Then, to replace what you give up, you’ll start to expect and need more from your partner." (i.e. Don’t stop all the normal things you do in life, that you ENJOY, just because a man has entered your life. He is part of your life, not your ENTIRE life.)


Attraction Principle #44 (104)

"Most women are starving to receive something from a man that they need to give themselves." (AMEN!)


And finally...
 “The bitch is not governed by fear of losing a man, because she knows the real price to pay is when she loses herself.”


This is only a tiny sliver of what this book has to offer. I would definitely encourage any woman to read this book, despite some of the terminology. You can find it on Amazon for a reasonable price!


If anyone has read this book or has an opinion to share I would LOVE to hear it so please comment the blog or facebook! Thanks!



and finally....

Why Men May Or May Not Love Bitches