As an aspiring clinical psychologist and therapist who desires to focus on relationship/sex therapy I have taken it upon myself to do some independent research in the field. Part of this research has required me to read some books that can be found in the “Self-Help” section of the book store. Let me tell you, as a former English major I never thought I’d find myself in this section. My book shelf was formerly full of classic novels, post-modern poetry and books on literary theory and now it is packed with self help and psychotherapy books. Who would have known?
As I first skimmed the “Self-Help” aisle a certain title caught my eye: “Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl – A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship.” Definitely unconventional, so I decided to give it a try. As you’ll see in this post, I have a bit of a mixed review on this book – but that didn’t stop me from buying a copy for all of my girlfriends. :)
My biggest problem with this book is the term, Bitch. I am not going to lie; I am guilty of calling my friends bitch as a joke on a regular basis, even though it has very negative connotations. Somehow this word that used to be defined as female dog came to mean a negative, rude, jerk of a woman who is possibly PMS-ing. Then, magically the word transformed its meaning to become a term of endearment among women of today. I have no idea how it happened, but being a “bitch” these days isn’t always a bad thing.
I’m a walking contradiction, because although I’ve used it as a joke with my friends, I don’t necessarily feel comfortable with just anyone calling me a “bitch,” ESPECIALLY a man. Despite how much wisdom this book has to offer women that are “too nice,” I still don’t feel comfortable with the idea that I have to call myself a “bitch” to keep a man around. The author does explain that the word “bitch” in the title “does not take itself too seriously” in the introduction and that it is supposed to represent the tongue-in-cheek humorous tone of the book. I didn’t really feel like this resonated throughout the book and I think this same wisdom could have been used with different terminology. However, I’m pretty sure that the title is what made this book sell in the first place so I’ll leave it alone.
So what is a “bitch” that is loved by men? She is “kind, yet strong. She doesn’t give up her life, and she won’t chase a man.” Sounds good to me, but I still ain’t a bitch!
Another term the author uses is being the “dumb fox” which I REALLY do not like, especially since I am a major promoter of education. She poses the idea that men like to be right (but doesn’t everybody?) so in order to “handle his ego” we have to use the three words that will turn any man on: “You are Right.” But what if he is DEAD WRONG? Sweetie, NO! Not happening. If a guy is right and I am aware of it, I’ll admit it. However, if he’s completely wrong and this is an important issue to me I’ll just agree to disagree. If it is a trivial subject that really isn’t worth the argument, learn to let it go. Just as I ain’t a bitch, I AIN’T A DUMB FOX!
Okay, now that I’ve established my problems with the book, I do want to highlight some AWESOME wisdom this book as to offer. This book is actually worth reading for women who have had some issues standing up for themselves in the romance game or gotten walked all over by a member of the opposite sex. So here they are:
Attraction Principle #23: (59)
"Before Sex, a man isn’t thinking clearly and a women is thinking clearly. After sex it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and the woman isn’t." (Want more? Read this blog post: "My Hormones Are In Love With You"
Attraction Principle #43 (103)
"If you allow your rhythm to be interrupted, you’ll create a void. Then, to replace what you give up, you’ll start to expect and need more from your partner." (i.e. Don’t stop all the normal things you do in life, that you ENJOY, just because a man has entered your life. He is part of your life, not your ENTIRE life.)
Attraction Principle #44 (104)
"Most women are starving to receive something from a man that they need to give themselves." (AMEN!)
And finally...
“The bitch is not governed by fear of losing a man, because she knows the real price to pay is when she loses herself.”
This is only a tiny sliver of what this book has to offer. I would definitely encourage any woman to read this book, despite some of the terminology. You can find it on Amazon for a reasonable price!
If anyone has read this book or has an opinion to share I would LOVE to hear it so please comment the blog or facebook! Thanks!
and finally....
1 comment:
I've read most of the book "Why Men Marry Bitches" and I've really liked it so far. I think it gives really great advice to women so they can be wiser about relationships and be better to themselves. I wish I would have read this when I first started dating so I could have avoided some of the mistakes I made.
The big message I've gotten from this book is that men love women who have respect for themselves, who are happy, and who are self sufficient. Men want a woman who loves him for him, not what he can provide or compensate for.
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