It's up to US, to know ourselves and to attempt to establish healthy relationships. This blog is about all sexes and genders, how we think and what we think. It is a blog about "maybe's" and "what if's". It is a conversation about media awareness, diversity, inclusion, relationships, sex, love and everything in between.

Monday, December 31, 2012

What Television Taught Me in 2012

SPOILER ALERT! Read selectively if you come to a show that you haven’t seen and plan to see. Sorry. Ha.


Everyone who knows me knows I’m a cinephile and a television-ophile. If that’s a real thing. This blog post is desperate attempt to justify all the television I watch by finding lessons in the stories. So enjoy, and Happy New Year!


In 2012, Deb from Dexter taught me that if you keep falling in love with the wrong people (I.E. the Ice truck killer, Detective Quinn, Lundy- a man old enough to be her father) it doesn’t mean you default to your non-blood related siblings. If you do this, you might just end up a murderer. You’d think it would be common knowledge, right? Deb, thank you for encouraging me to make better decisions than you in 2013.


The Walking Dead taught me to show the ones I love that I love them, even when they piss me off by sleeping with my best friend and getting pregnant. Don’t let anger keep you from forgiving those you love, because she might just die in childbirth and turn into a zombie.   






Shahs of Sunset taught me that it's okay to be an intergalactic persian priestess and drink diamond water. Wait --or maybe it taught me that it's okay to tell a Persian who hasn't gotten a nose job (yet) that you love their big nose, BTW. In case you were wondering, it's not. Off limit topics in Persian conversations: noses, hairiness and weight. In the words of Reza, "Did that Bitch just call me fat?"


Walt’s carelessness in Breaking Bad taught me to watch what I keep lying around from my past. It MIGHT just come back to haunt you. Or maybe the real lesson here is not to start cooking meth, especially when my brother-in-law is a DEA agent? 



Adventure Time reminded me to have fun, as it does every year. If you’re not watching this show, you definitely need to. AT reminds me that sometimes its okay for things to not make sense and for life to be absurd. In 2013, I’m going to be inventive like Princess Bubblegum, proud of my lumps like Lumpy Space Princess, and mischievous like Marceline the Vampire Queen.


 

Parks and Recreation taught me that Adam Scott is really cute when he’s not the A-hole brother in Stepbrothers. Go Adam SCOTT! Hot T! P.S. I love you, Leslie Knope.












Jersey Shore surprised us all by revealing that even meatballs can have cute babies. Who knew?! Baby Lorenzo is a cutie patootee!







Girls taught me that “white girl problems” can also be anyone’s problems. Okay, so we may not all accidentally smoke crack at a party like Shoshanna and run 10 miles down the street or get married to some extreme capitalist after knowing him for a week. However, we can relate to the confusion and pain Marnie and Charlie go through as they end their relationship and the stress Hannah experiences as she tries to find her place in the world. Let’s just say I’m looking forward to Season 2 =)


Finally, Parenthood taught me that family is important, and that doesn’t just mean the people you’re blood related to. It's about the family you have and the family you make. Life isn’t perfect and we are all going to face things we don’t want to. Having a support system and positive influences in your life makes it all worth bearing.

See, who said TV can't teach you anything? I think I need to go read a book now....
I hope everyone has a wonderful new year in 2013. Peace!!!!!!


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Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Is it Possible To Love Someone You've Never Met?


One of my new favorite shows on MTV is called Catfish, stemming from the same-titled  documentary by Nev Schulman, which is based on online dating. The most recent episode inspired me to write this blog post. I’m going to try my best not to spoil anything about the episode!!  

Basically, all of the episodes so far have provoked me to question whether its possible to truly love someone that you’ve only spoke to online. I’ve always thought that a relationship is not “real” unless it's face-to- face, and that building a prolonged online relationship could never end well, but this most recent episode made me think twice.


First of all let’s face it, we’ve come along way from AOL chat rooms. Online dating is a huge craze these days. People are meeting, dating and marrying the people they meet online.  It has become a legitimate way to meet new people! If I was single, I’d definitely do it. It can be beneficial for a person who’s extremely busy or a little shy.... or someone who simply doesn’t want to waste time weeding through all the drunk people at bars to find a diamond in the rough (some say that's a lost cause ha.) On the other hand, online dating can be dangerous and you risk falling for someone who isn’t who they say they are, as Catfish (or unfortunate personal experience) has shown us.

So back to my question, can you truly be in love with someone you’ve never seen face to face? Something that stood out to me in this weeks episode is the fact that Dani said he didn’t feel like the relationship really started until they met. However, when they did meet it was obvious the connection and foundation of a relationship was there and had been there for quite awhile. Maybe there are limits to online relationships and how they can grow, but it doesn't mean a person can't fall for someone they meet online before they've met them?  

 

I’d love to hear people’s thoughts about online dating, whether they’ve seen the episode or not. If you haven’t seen it, I suggest you check it out!

 

This episode of Catfish taught me that love is found in many ways and it shows up in different forms. I will never again judge the way people fall in love and I will embrace the fact that two people can love each other outside of race, gender, culture or class. Thanks, Catfish.

Comment away!


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Friday, November 30, 2012

Star Wars Wisdom On Relationships


NOTE: Whether you are a star wars fan or not, you will be able to relate to this post on some level. You don't have to be a nerd to enjoy the life long lessons the Star Wars saga has imparted onto humanity. In fact, you  may even find yourself longing to watch one of the films after this (Star Wars movie night anyone??) So here we go...A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.... 

Here's what Star Wars has taught me about relationships:

#1 Either be in a relationship or don't be in one. Don't mess around.
One of Yoda's most famous quotes from Star Wars is, "Do or Do not, There is no try."  That green little man (is he a man?) may have spoken super slow with jumbled up grammar but he sure as hell knew what he was talking about. The way I see it, you either do something, or you don't do it. There is no, "Oh, I'm going to try being in a relationship, but I'm keeping my options open." No one deserves half your effort, and you don't deserve a half-ass effort from anyone either.

#2 Watch  who you get advice from about your relationships. Just ask Anakin i.e. Darth Vader.
Anakin Skywalker's biggest mistake was listening to Emperor Palpatine/Darth Sidious' advice about the dark side of the force having the power to prevent death. Emperor Palpatine took advantage of Anakins fears and premonitions about Padme dying during childbirth and Anakin was so vulnerable and confused that he listened...and look what happened. He turned to the dark side, put a choke hold on the wife that he was trying to SAVE then fell into volcanic rock (that's the short version.) I'm a little conflicted because I love Darth Vader but then I watch episode 3 and I remember how he got that way and I am sad (despite the cheesy dialogue and forced acting). So my question is, do you really want to fall into volcanic rock and be forced to breathe like a person with extreme post nasal drip for the rest of your life? No, but for seriously - It's important to watch who you ask for advice on your relationship. Remember, not everyone has your best interest at heart. Many times, people give advice based on their own selfish point of view. My advice is to find several people in your life you who know have your back and will give you objective, productive, tactful feedback.  



#3 Make sure you're not related to the person you kiss.
Good rule of thumb, people. Even if you're trying to make Han Solo jealous, please make sure you don't share a blood line with someone before you lock lips with them. It just ain't classy. I love you Princess Leia, its okay, you just didn't know.  


 
Storm Trooper Love <3>
 #4 There is always more than one side to a story - and everyone's opinion is important.  One of my favorite Obi-Wan quotes is, “Many of the truths that we cling to depend on our point of view.” Sometimes during conflict with people we are close to we skew things based on our past emotional wounds. It's important to realize that everyone has a perspective that is valid. This perspective is their "truth."  My wise buddy Obi-Wan is trying to remind us that we need to open our minds and take more time to understand someone else's "truth" before we judge, or escalate a conflict further than it needs to be escalated.

#5 Insecurity and Fear Go A long Way
Another Yoda gem: “Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”  (Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace)
Fear is what turned Anakin to the Dark Side, and it will lead you too if you don't be aware of your insecurity. When you are insecure, there is nothing anyone can do to appease you, so when people don't meet your expectations, it can cause anger to build up. This anger can lead to hate, which leads to suffering for you and the people around you. So remember, check your insecurity before you wreck yourself all the way to the dark side.



#6 Don't let characters into your life who don't belong.
He was created for comic relief in Episode I-III, but all I needed was relief from the sound of his semi-rastafarian clown voice. Let's face it, no one likes him but we can't erase him from the movies, just like we can't erase obnoxious people off the face of the earth. However, that doesn't mean I have to acknowledge his presence as a legitimate, necessary Star Wars character, right? The lesson here is that some people just don't need to be in your life if they don't improve the quality of it. Figure out who the "Jar Jar Binks" in your life is today, and GET RID OF THEM. If only someone told George Lucas this before Episode I came out.....

Hope you enjoyed this post. Comments appreciated.

May the force be with you.



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Sunday, November 18, 2012

Has cheating become socially acceptable? Let's Ask Kristen Stewart.

DISCLAIMER: The idea for this blog post was inspired by the movie "Breaking Dawn" (yes TWILIGHT). Let's do this.


I recently went to see the final installment of the Twilight Saga and I have to say I enjoyed every minute of the corny dialogue, prolonged dramatics, and Kristen Stewart's pubescent awkwardness. I really did. My only complaint was that Taylor Lautner only took off his shirt once. What a disgrace! Meh...he's kind of lost his charm now that he's entered into borderline pedophilia land. I know it's a Quillette thing, but I still can't digest the idea. 

Okay moving on for those who aren't TwiHards.....Toward the end of the film Bella and Edward have this sappy romantic moment where she says how much she loves him and I had this uncontrollable urge to yell, "CHEATER!!!!" I fought my urge until her photo came on during the end credits and I just had to yell it. I'm pretty sure no one cared. 

And that's my problem. No one cared...because no one even remembers that she cheated on the poor dude with some old saggy married director man. I am not a huge follower of celebrity gossip, but there was no way I could escape the news of her infidelity. I felt like the story was broadcasted as much as the death of Michael Jackson (FYI Society: MJs Death > Bella cheating on Edward). In response to my turmoil, my friend (THANKS GILDA!) made an observation about how they got back together and people have pretty much forgotten about the whole discretion. 

It started to get me thinking about how publicized cheating is in the celebrity world, and how it's forgotten about so easily. Need a reminder? Tiger Woods, Hugh Grant (see picture ha ha ha), Jesse James (HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON SANDRA!!), David Letterman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Ryan Phillipe, Jude Law on Sienna Miller, then Sienna Miller on some guy....okay I need to stop because I said I didn't follow celebrities and I'm starting to make myself look like a liar. Anyway, Did anyone even remember that Letterman cheated? I completely forgot until I started making a mental list for this blog. I guess it's easy to forget, but does that mean its forgiven? Is this evidence that cheating is socially accepted in America?

Here's a couple ideas:
  • Maybe it's not quite socially acceptable to cheat, but it is socially acceptable to exploit the the behavior of another person and almost glorify their "infamous-ness." Why are negative stories publicized more than positive ones? For once, I'd like to see a prolonged broadcast about people making a positive impact on society instead of the latest Tiger Woods mistress to come out of the woodwork.

  • Is cheating only acceptable when the person is famous? Do we just forgive celebrities/ political figures easier because of their rank in society? Bill Clinton dirtied it up with Monica Lewinski, but people still remember him as a good President, especially now with all the financial issues in the U.S. Another prominent figure I think of is JFK....he committed literally hundreds of infidelities and yet he is still glorified as a wonderful president. For some reason, prominent figures in society seem to get excused for most bad behavior, and it's not O.K.

  • Finally, maybe cheating has become so publicized and we hear about it so often, that we have become desensitized to it. Maybe subconsciously we have been convinced that cheating is normal because "everyone does it" these days. To quote my mother, "So if EVERYONE was jumping off a bridge, would you too?" 


I encourage everyone who reads this to take some time to really ponder your view of infidelity and how its presented in society. Yes, cheating happens but it should never be socially acceptable under any circumstance. On that note, I'm still upset with Kristen Stewart because Edward's a good guy okay!!!  He risked his immortality for you and look how you repay him!!!! Plus who doesn't want a guy who glitters in the sun, doesn't sleep and constantly maintains an insanely low body temperature? 

So long Twihards. This will be my only twilight inspired post EVER. I hope....








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Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The Dangers of Being Passive-Aggressive


So you’re a passive-aggressivist. You practice passive-aggressivism at every chance you get. For example, when someone bothers or hurts you, the FIRST thing you do is hop on Facebook and post a “general” status related to the conflict that happened and how devastated or annoyed you are. You wait for comments, and just hope that it made it on that person’s newsfeed. Sound familiar?


Just in case it doesn’t let me try another one: someone hurts your feelings and instead of telling them it hurt you, you shut them out, ignore their attempts to contact you, and make sarcastic comments until they finally ask you what’s wrong.

Wait, I’ve got another one! Someone asks you to go somewhere with them but you don’t want to go. Instead of telling them you don’t want to go, you agree to it because you don’t want to say no. However, the whole time you’re there you complain and act annoyed. Sound familiar YET?

As you can see, there are many ways to be passive-aggressive - and I think everyone has been guilty of doing it at one time or another, myself included! I want to spend some time discussing possible reasons why people resort to being passive-aggressive in response to conflict, and why it is very harmful in relationships.



Question #1: WHY are we passive-aggressive?

It protects us from confrontation (but only in the short-term) It’s the “quick” and easy way out. Maybe we don’t want to say “no” to someone, or we are scared to confront them directly because of how they might react. The thing to remember is that eventually the person is going to get the message, and the damage you’ve done by being passive-aggressive has escalated the problem.

We are afraid of anger
This goes along with being afraid of confrontation. If you confront someone, you risk witnessing their display of anger, and feeling anger yourself. If you have a dysfunctional relationship with anger, you may want to avoid it all costs, therefore it’s easier to be passive-aggressive instead of assertive.

It’s what we’re used to....
An article in Psychology Today states that for some people, “passive aggressive behavior is not just a situational choice, but rather a deeply ingrained personality type.” When you are taught as a child to suppress certain feelings you may not know how to express them constructively as an adult. In addition, if you learned how to get attention from caretakers during your childhood in indirect ways, you most likely treat the people in your adult life the same way. This is unfortunate, but it doesn’t mean this can’t be changed!

We expect people to read our minds or “get the hint”
Only in a perfect world would we be able to temporary open up the ability to read each others minds on command so that we didn’t have to face communicating with our words. Unfortunately people don’t know what we are thinking or feeling unless we TELL them (and I don’t mean telling them through your facebook status).



Question #2: HOW passive-aggressiveness damages relationships


Dishonesty and the delay of true closeness
If we are passive aggressive with the person we are in a relationship with, then we aren’t being totally honest with them, right? If you aren’t completely honest with a person, there is no way you can be truly close with them. Simple as that.

EXPLOSIONS
Being passive-aggressive causes more explosive arguments in a relationship. Instead of having real discussions, people bottle things up and then display feelings indirectly. When the one person does not respond to the others' indirect display of emotions, the feelings inside get worse and worse and eventually explode, leaving the person confused and surprised. It doesn’t work well for either person!

Self-esteem issues
Acting in a passive-aggressive way can actually lower a person’s opinion of themselves. Eventually it causes people to treat them differently and lose respect for them, which lowers self-esteem even more. One person with low self-esteem in a relationship increases the chance of conflict and keeps the relationships from growing.
As you can see, acting passive-aggressively can cause resentment and confusion in relationships. It fuels anger, is manipulative, and blocks effective communication. If you have passive-aggressive tendencies it is important to figure out what is preventing you from being open about communication, and find a way to safely express your feelings to other people. Yes, confronting people is scary because you can’t control their reaction. However, it can damage a relationship even more when you don’t confront someone! Keep in mind that what you want and need is just as important as what others want and need. On that note, I will sign off on this blog post. Thanks for reading! I better not get any passive-aggressive comments on this post….. =)



















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Thursday, November 1, 2012

Halloween Costume Awards 2012!!!


It may be the day after Halloween, but it's NEVER too late for a costume blog post! Below are the best couple/family costumes that I've come across this year. Maybe this will give you all some ideas for next year!

Drum roll please......

Presenting the award for Most Unique Couples Costume: Google Maps!

Point A to B with Maps in Between!




Hipster-est Couple Costume: Gotye and Kimbra

I have no idea how they did it, but it's pretty sweet. 


Creepiest Couple Costume: Mr. and Mrs. Hello Kitty 

 I am a huge HK fan...and I'm terrified.


Muppitiest Costume: The Manah-Manah Aliens! 



Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo!

Best Disney costume: Mary Poppins and Burt

Chim-Chimney Chim Chim Chim Cheroo!

Best Father and Son Couple Costume: Up!

Ridonkulously Cute!!!!


Best Star Wars Couple Costume: EWOKS!!!


Ewok BFFS.


Best Harry Potter Costume: Harry and Ron as Lovers 
The perfect spin on the Hogwarts BFFs....
If it weren't for Hermione I'd believe it!!!
These two are just two cute <3 br="br">
Best Barbie and Ken: Toy Story Style

Perfect addition to Barbie/Ken couple idea!


The Nerdiest Family award goes to.....The Drogo Family from Game of Thrones!

Featuring Khal, Khaleesi and her
little dragons..any  GOT fan
HAS TO LOVE IT!


Best Zombie couple!

That's Legit Zombie Lovin' right there!

Easiest to Execute Costume Couple : Dexter and Murder Victim
It's the perfect set up for a heterosexual couple.
The girls gets to dress slutty and the
guys costume is super easy .
 


Best cartoon couple: Finn and Princess Bubblegum

I may be biased because I love Adventure Time,
but you have to admit this is a great one!

Best indie film couple costume: Suz
y and Sam from Moonrise Kingdom


Last but not least....WORST COUPLE COSTUME OF THE YEAR goes to....Woman in Labor and Baby.

No one...and I mean NO ONE wants to see that. I think I'm going to see that man's face in my nightmares for the rest of the year. 


Next year I hope to have some more submissions for best couple/family costumes! Until then...Happy Halloween!!!!






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Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Music Spotlight: What Connor Oberst Taught Me About Relationships

Not everyone is a fan of the band "Bright Eyes" or their lead singer, Connor Oberst, and to be honest I don't blame anyone for it. His musical style and voice isn't for everyone, and most people I meet either love the band or hate them. I fell in love with them in my late teens - early 20s, during a time of misplaced angst and exploration. I listened to Bright Eyes when I was sad, happy, angry, heartbroken and in love.  The poetry, widsom, and insight on human relationships featured in every Bright Eyes song is what will keep them on my "Top 3" bands list forever! Since I love them so much I thought I'd share some of my favorite song quotes, without commentary. I think they speak for themselves.

On Love......



"First Day of My Life" Album: I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning
 
"How grateful I was then to be part of the mystery; To love and be loved. Let's just hope that is enough."
-Let's Not Sh*t Ourselves (To Love and Be Loved) Album: Lifted Or The Story Is In The Soil, Keep Your Ear To The Ground




On Heartbreak....

"But you, but you, you write such pretty words. Well life's no story book. Love's an excuse to get hurt, and to hurt. Do you like to hurt? I do. I do. Then hurt me."
Lover I Don't Have to Love - Album: Lifted


"But if you stay too long inside my memory, I will trap you in a song tied to a melody, and I will keep you there so you can't bother me."
Take it Easy (Love Nothing) - Album: Digital Ash in A Digital Urn

"If you walk away, I'll walk away. First tell me which road you will take. I don't want to risk our paths crossing someday. So you walk away, I'll walk this way."
Land Locked Blues - Album: I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning




On Life.....

"So I go back and forth forever,
All my thoughts they come in pairs,
Oh I will, I won't, I doubt, I don't.
I’m not surprised, but I never feel quite prepared."
Another Travelin' Song - Album: I'm Wide Awake. It's Morning.



"Id rather be working for a paycheck, than waiting to win the lottery."
"First Day of My Life" - Album: I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning

"First Day of My Life" - Album: I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning


"If you hate the taste of wine, Why do you drink it 'til you’re blind?
And if you swear that there’s no truth
and who cares.
How come you say it like you’re right?"
We Are Nowhere, And It's Now. - Album: I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning


On Sadness:

"Now and again it seems worse than it is, but mostly the view is accurate."
Something Vague - Album: Fevers And Mirrors


"So that's how I learned the lesson, that everyone's alone, and your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow."
 A Bowl of Oranges - Album: Lifted


"Hold your sadness like a puppet, 
keep putting on the play.
But everything you do is leading to the point
where you just won't know what to do.
And at that moment you may laugh
but there is someone there who will be laughing louder than you."
Sunrise, Sunset - Album: Fevers and Mirrors (2000)


On Happiness....


"'Cause if I can't make myself feel better, how am I supposed to expect anyone else to give a sh*t."
If Winter Ends - Album: Letting Off The Happiness




"The Joy in Forgetting / The Joy in Acceptance"



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Thursday, October 25, 2012

What Traveling Taught Me About Relationships: 6 "Nuggets" of Travel Wisdom


Those of you who know me personally know I recently took a two week Europe trip with friends. Besides the fact that it was an amazing trip full of stunning sights and history, it was also a learning experience. After reflecting on the trip, I realize that everything I learned can easily be applied to any relationship, so I thought I’d share my newfound wisdom in a blog.  Plus, this gives me a chance to post even more pictures, OH YEA!

#1 NUGGET OF TRAVEL WISDOM: Space is Not a Bad Thing
When traveling, a main area of focus is usually on is what to pack, transportation and planning. The last thing you are preparing for is the fact that you are going to see your friends (or family) 24-7 for two weeks STRAIGHT.  You love your friends and family, but there is no way any person could spend all-day every-day with someone and not need space, right? My advice while travelling with others is to take the space you need at the right time. Let me be clear, the “right time” is not while you’re in the middle of a metro station after your phone died and no one can get a hold of you.  The same rule applies to relationships - we need to allow the other person to breathe and have their own sense of identity, no matter how serious the relationship. Taking space includes pursuing separate interests, taking independent time to spend with friends, or just going for a solitary walk.  This way you keep your sense of self (and sanity) and you decrease the chance of petty arguments. Plus, how can you miss someone if they’re ALWAYS THERE?


The beach in Barcelona, Spain

#2 NUGGET OF TRAVEL WISDOM: Everyone is allowed to get angry from time to time
I would like to take this moment to remind everyone that feeling or displaying anger is not a sign of weakness. I think we live in a suppressed society where if you show how you feel, you are sending the message that you are not strong enough to “control” your emotions. I’m not saying you should get so angry that you pull a Mike the Situation and slam your head against the wall every time someone pisses you off. There are destructive ways to express emotions that involve hurting yourself or others, but there are also constructive ways. In any relationship it is important to express emotions like anger or annoyance because suppressing them will just make it worse. People are bound to annoy you whether you want them to or not, and putting on a smile and acting like “everything’s okay” is eventually going to cause things to explode. Usually when we feel threatened by someone who is expressing their feelings it’s because we’d much rather “keep things peaceful” and push emotions under the rug. However let me reiterate that holding in emotion is like squeezing a tube of toothpaste with the lid on: if you squeeze hard or long enough, eventually the tooth paste is gonna come out and it’s most likely going to make a mess. Maybe that’s a bad analogy, but who cares! You get the point! Why not allow people to express how they feel and not feel threatened by their anger? In turn, don’t feel threatened by your own anger – it’s an emotional just like the rest of them!

The Seine - Paris, France

#3 NUGGET OF TRAVEL WISDOM: Let go of your control issues
This one’s a BIG one for me. Let’s face it – you can read every informative book, download a million apps and Google directions ahead of time, but when you travel there is still a very likely change you WILL get lost. It is important to let go of the desire to control the outcome of every situation. This applies to both relationships and travel. Anxious people everywhere will agree that thinking about a problem over and over is not going to solve it (yet they do it anyway.) The best you can do in a situation is to be as prepared as you can and then go along for the ride. It took me halfway through my trip to learn that and I’m still learning it in my current relationship! However, once you truly let spontaneity take over, some of the most exciting things happen and then you realize why planning is not always the best way to go.  
Westminster Abbey
# 4 NUGGET OF TRAVEL WISDOM: Stop being defensive
It’s hard to admit when you’re wrong. No one likes to say they made a mistake or they don’t have things under control (see #3). However, we are finite beings with a limited understanding of the world, so it’s only natural to make mistakes. If you’re doing your best and you still make a mistake, that’s OK – determine how you can change it up and do things better the next time around. The best qualities a person can develop are being pliable and open to change. When someone confronts you with something negative about yourself, why not be open to that suggestion? I learned on my trip to admit when I’m wrong and that sometimes I don’t know what the hell I’m doing (BELIEVE IT OR NOT!!). In relationships, if we can’t apologize or admit we messed up, we are going to have a hard time connecting with our partner. I’m right, right? You better say I’m RIGHT!!!

Barcelona
 # 5 NUGGET OF TRAVEL WISDOM: A little kindness goes a long way
When you are with someone for a long amount of time, it’s easy to take them for granted. It’s important to take a moment to do something thoughtful or say something kind every now and then. What keeps relationships together is the effort that is placed on the relationship by both people. No one wants a one-sided relationship…well, unless you’re a masochist. KILL EM WITH KINDNESS PEOPLE!

#6 NUGGET OF TRAVEL WISDOM: Take time to LAUGH!
Sometimes during travel you create such a busy agenda in order
to see and visit so many places that you forget to truly enjoy
them! In relationships, life can get so busy that you forget to
enjoy the person you’re with. Sometimes, you just gotta let go,
make some inside jokes and laugh your ass off in the subway for
no reason. Who cares if people think you’re crazy? Just hold on to
your bag and passport and you’ll be fine J





 
Thanks for taking the time to read this blog post!


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Sunday, September 2, 2012

Why We Need More Women Like Mindy Kaling In The World.

If you are a fellow lover of the TV show, "The Office" (preferably pre-Michael Scott) then you know Mindy Kaling as the actress who plays Kelly Kapour, a celebrity-obsessed young woman with a high pitched voice and a hankering for dysfunctional relationships. What you may not know is that Mindy is an AMAZING writer. She has written some of the most brilliantly funny "Office" episodes and a hilarious book called, "Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?" which you should read if you haven't yet. 

So after reading Mindy's book I've decided that she's a genius and she knows WHAT'S UP in the world of relationships, very unlike the character she played on "The Office." Here are a couple highlights....

MEN VS.  BOYS Per Mindy Kaling:
"Men...make concrete plans. Men know what they want. Men own alarm clocks. Men tip generously. Men sleep on a mattress that isn't on the floor. Men buy new shampoo instead of adding water to a nearly empty bottle of shampoo. Men go to the dentist. Men make reservations. Men go in for a kiss without giving you some long preamble about how they're thinking of kissing you. Men wear clothes that have never been worn by anyone else before." 

This hilarious rant is then preceded with her explanation that this may not be completely accurate and that she devised this definition by combining a range of characters from Heathcliff Huxtable to Theodore Roosevelt to her father. 

So what are boys? "Boys are adorable. Boys trail out their sentences in an appealing way. Boys bring a knapsack to work. Boys get a hair cut from their roommate. Boys can pack up their whole life duffle bag and move to Brooklyn if they need to. Boys have 'gigs.' Boys are broke, and when they do have money they spend it on a trip to Colorado to see a music festival. Boys don't know how to adjust their conversation when they are talking to their friends or to your parents. Boys let your parents pay for dinner when you all go out, it's assumed."

She goes on to say that boys can be fun, they make you homemade gifts, talk for hours with you at a diner at 3am because they don't have regular jobs - but they suck to date when you turn 30. 


Mindy Kaling on Marriage: 
"C'mon married people - I don't wanna hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you watch every episode of 'The Bachelor' together in secret shame. Or that one of you got hooked to 'Breaking Bad,' and if either watches it without the other, they're dead meat. I want to see you guys high five each other like teammates on a recreational softball team you both do for fun. I want to hear about it, because I want to know that it's possible for myself." 

I love what Mindy has to say about marriage because it's hopeful and honest. We hear a lot about marriage being "hard work" and less of a focus on what makes a marriage or long-term relationships WORK. Why not give your significant other a high-five because you both had a successful day, and the kids are safely in bed? Then put on that newest episode of Breaking Bad and sit down in front of the TV with some ice cream. I do that by myself (minus the kids) so why stop when in a relationship! 

"I guess I think happiness can come in a bunch of forms, and maybe marriage with tons of work makes people happy. But a part of me still thinks - Is it really so hard to make it work? What happened to being pals?" 

Given Mindy's opinion on marriage, what's your opinion on the definition of "happily ever after" in a committed relationship? Do you think a relationship has to be "work?"

I'd like to hear your opinions! and if you haven't read this book yet, READ IT PEOPLE!!!

Also be sure to check out Mindy's show this fall on Fox, "The Mindy Project." Click here for more details. 


Mindy As Kelly Kapour. How can you not love her?


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