I was recently talking to a friend about this and have talked to many different people about this plague that seems to exist in the relationship realm. It’s what I like to call, “the imbalance of affections.”
Have you ever fallen into a relationship and felt like you care so much more about the person than they care about you? Or vice versa – they care so much about you and you seem sort of impartial?
I’ve experienced this in relationships: you aren’t very gung-ho about this person but they pursue you and you talk to them long enough where you fall madly in love – and when you finally do, they seem to be less-interested. And then the cycle continues where one of you is always more “into it” than the other.
Is this possibly an aspect of healthy relationships? Is this something that happens in the ebb and flow of life or is this completely unhealthy in every shape and form?
Do you ever notice that when you give a significant other less attention or seem nonchalant they seem to give you more attention? Or when someone is super-duper attentive you feel less attracted to them?
I think this is part human nature and part immaturity. Something about the “chase” is so appealing to us - knowing that we have to strive to get that person’s feelings to equal ours. Yet when we do get the balance of affection it isn’t as appealing any more. Part of being in a healthy, balanced relationship is the understanding that there is an ebb and flow. There are times where one person will be more “present” in the relationship than others and vice versa. A healthy relationship appreciates when affections are both equal and imbalanced and embraces the changes of life.
I’m going to admit, I’ve found myself in the past silently manipulated a significant other by “withdrawing” a tiny bit just to find them suddenly giving more attention to the relationship. When you do that and you feel that you are the one who “loves less” it gives you a sense of empowerment – but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy. Everyone deserves a balanced relationship and if you feel like you are playing games with a person, I guarantee you it will lead to unhappiness and resentment.
Try not to play the “affections game” – balance is a hard thing to maintain, but it’s definitely worth striving for.
