It's up to US, to know ourselves and to attempt to establish healthy relationships. This blog is about all sexes and genders, how we think and what we think. It is a blog about "maybe's" and "what if's". It is a conversation about media awareness, diversity, inclusion, relationships, sex, love and everything in between.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The Top 10 Relationships You’re Glad You’ve Never Been In




How hot is his Tattoo?
#10 Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey
This couple was one of the first to start the trend where C/D-list celebrities broadcast their marriage that no one cares about in order to get people to care about them and make $$$.  This trend = major entertainment for the American public. Without Jessica, how else would we have learned that “Chicken of the Sea” was actually Tuna fish? She literally saved my existence. Unfortunately after three long, devoted years of marriage the couple divorced and we got another D-list hit from Nick Lachey entitled, “I Can’t Hate You Anymore.” Yes, I have it on my Ipod. 



Sigh <3
#9 Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf
It started out as hatred and ended up in sex-love-hate-despise-love-hate and then “I can’t marry you because I made a pact with God  so he could save your life.” Really, Gossip Girl? Okay don’t get me wrong, I DV-R this show every week and haven’t missed an episode but I just don’t get it, WHEN WILL THEY FINALLY GET TOGETHER? No human being on this earth has ever and will ever go through the amount of turmoil and drama that this couple has. Lucky for them, they are both extremely good looking, so we put up with it. Maybe next week Deroda will try to get Blair and Chuck together but Dan will stop them and propose to Blair, then Serena will get jealous and make out with Chuck. Then in a grand finale cliff hanger, Nate suddenly decides he’s in love with Serena agai. Sounds like a typical gossip girl episode to me!





#8 Katie Holmes and Tom
Cruise
I don’t wanna wait, for my liiiife to be over. Every time I would hear that Paula Cole theme song start up on Dawson’s Creek my heart soared because I knew it was another week of obsessing over how cute Katie Holmes was – emphasis on was. She was cute until she married Tom Cruise and now I don’t even know WHO SHE IS ANYMORE!!!! What happened to Joey, the innocent, crooked mouthed, overly eloquent teen who just wanted to paint? She married Mr. Scientology and had what I’m pretty sure is an Asian Baby named Suri. Why, Katie, Why? Need more on crazy Tom Cruise? Click Here. 



#7 Michael Lohan and Kate Major
Did anyone watch the last season of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew? If you have, you’ll know why this couple is on this list. What do you get when you put two crazy people in a relationship? Shenanigans. What do you get when you put two crazy people addicted to drugs/alcohol in a relationship? Pure INSANITY. I have never seen a man so torn up over a woman in my life. Kate told Michael at one point, “I’m not even attracted to you! You’re old, you’re ugly and you’re bald!” Oh yeah, and that’s saying a lot because her former boyfriend was Jon Gosselin (see #5). If you ask me, they both need to lay off the drugs....and based on that picture stay out of the sun for a very long time.



So awkward.
#6 Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner…and John Mayer…and Jake Gyllenhaal
For such a wholesome little country girl, this chick has been around. I believe it started with Joe Jonas but I’m not sure where the lineup goes from there. I DO know, however, that she dated Taylor Lautner of Twilight fame and they absolutely murdered the portrayal of their relationship in the movie Valentine’s Day. I also have no idea how she didn’t get her emotions murdered by John Mayer because that guy is a douche, or maybe as her song suggests he’s just, “Mean?” Finally, I pretty much wanted to murder her with my bare hands when she took take Jake Gyllenhaal from me. 




Keepin' It Classy
 #6 Britney Spears and Kevin Federline
Following in the footsteps of Jessica and Nick, K-Fed and Spears tried to do the reality show idea and it failed miserably. Perhaps K-Fed’s hot body and excellent rapping skills weren’t able to compete with Nick Lachey’s boy band dancing skills. Either way, this marriage failed and they got two whole kids out of it! The rumor is that Britney paid for her own wedding ring, isn’t that just so darn sweet? To top it off, instead of going to Brazil on their honeymoon as planned, they spent it at “Baton Rouge’s Mall of Louisiana.” There’s nothing trailer trash about that at all. Lucky for us, Britney is still going strong with nasally #1 hits and K-Fed is nowhere to be seen after they cancelled his tour because no one bought tickets. Sorry, buddy.  




 #5 Jon and Kate Gosselin

One day TLC said to Kate Gosselin, “You’re pregnant with 6 kids because you injected so many hormones in you that you look like a hot air balloon with an 8 year old boy’s hair cut? Let’s give you a TV show!” No one, and I mean NO ONE wanted to see that video clip of how big her belly was when she was carrying the sextuplets. I literally used to fast forward that portion of the intro every time because it made me gag. On that note, we also really didn’t want to witness Kate constantly ordering Jon around like he was one of the eight. That relationship was a train wreck from the beginning. It really should have been called, “Kate plus 8 and a man boy with no balls.”




#4 Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries                  
Poor guy…. No, really….Poor guy. I think we need to take a moment of silence to mourn the butchering of Kris Humphries by the Kardashian clan. He may have the brain capacity similar to an 7 year old child but he didn’t deserve to be ridiculed the way he was. Everyone has their theories on whether this relationship was a hoax or not. I personally don’t care. Let this be a lesson to any athlete who gets lured in by the eyelash extensions and butt implants also known as the Kardashian sisters. R.I.P. Kris Humphries.  P.S. I'm still watching all the shows, Khloe and Lamar are cute :)




#3 Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and Sammy Giancola
Also known as “Sammie” and “RAHHNNN” by many of those who have seen them fight. Let’s face it, what would the first three seasons of The Jersey Shore be without them? They are best worst fighting couple ever. My favorite fight is when they went to Karma and they got drunk and then Sammi got mad and they fought all night. My other favorite is when they went to Karma and they got drunk and Sammi got mad….Oh – wait. What can I say? Love is battlefield. I also wanna say, “RAHN, STAP…I’m DUHN…STAP.”


#2 Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt

You almost forgot about them didn’t you? This fabulous little couple made themselves famous in a big way by being completely idiotic, just a little bit more than your usual stupid celebrity. I’ll never forget the cinematic treasure of a music video Spencer made of Heidi’s song, “Higher.” (Watch Here) It was like a nightmarish auto-tuned porno with no sex. Another favorite was their very brief appearance on “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here” in which Spencer decided he was a born again Christian. That was the only season of that show I watched. I love you Speidi. I hope all the money you spent on Spencer’s crystals and Heidi’s Barbie breasts (and butt) was worth it.


#1 Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchinson

Apparently once you make a microscopic appearance on a hit show like “Lost” you lose all of your decency and the ability to attract women your own age. This couple is absolutely the worst couple in America. I don’t even need to write anything under this headline for you to understand how disgusting they are – all you need to do is Google it. She’s 16 and he’s 51 and she spends her days tweeting about how her appetite becomes, “anxiously aroused as I vivaciously cook a very sexy veggie supper while wearing Victoria’s Secret.” She was a naturally pretty teenager and after extensive plastic surgery and spending 24 hours straight in a tanning salon, she is unrecognizable. I’m pretty sure people are going to make Halloween masks of her face this year. I swear to God if I have to look at another picture of her with pouty fish lips and seizure eyes I am going to shoot someone.


So tell me, Who's your favorite? And feel free to add to the list! Thanks Everyone!


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Monday, February 6, 2012

Opinions on Valentine's Day



I’m sure many of you are aware (or attempting to forget) that Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Since my blog is about love, relationships, men and women etc. I felt the need to write a little ditty on this quite controversial holiday. Last year, I wrote about Blue Valentine, the awesome movie with my man Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams. (Check it out here!)


The following opinions are based on my conversations with people and my own personal experience. I’d love to hear what other opinions are out there!

Single People Say They Hate Valentine’s Day Just Because They Are Single

When I heard someone say this, I was single – and I got quite offended. I was quite positive that my hatred for Valentine's Day was based on the frivolity of the holiday and my feminist desire to be independent. I even convinced myself I hated flowers because they ended up dying anyway. However, after the first time I fell in love things changed. 

I think this statement might be true, at least in my case. I’ve had an ambivalent relationship with this holiday. I’ve hated it, and I’ve loved and I’ve exploited it – but I’m pretty sure that my hatred for it really just stemmed from not having anyone to celebrate with! I can’t believe I’m admitting this!


It comes down to this – if you’re going to hate Valentine’s Day, hate it when you’re single and in a relationship. Don’t jump the “hate” bandwagon just because love wasn’t good to you this past year. Instead, take the day to spend it with someone you love, it doesn’t have to be in a romantic way.


It’s A Females Holiday
Maybe we should just change the name of Valentine’s Day to “Women’s Appreciation Day.” Let’s face it, it’s a holiday that women seem to care more about than men. I don’t think its completely our fault either – everything about the advertising for this holiday is geared towards women. We are bombarded with female oriented colors (PINK!!!), ads for jewelry and flowers, and commercials with half naked Victoria Secret models telling us to “show me you love me” by buying lingerie. No wonder women get so crazy about this holiday!


I’m not trying to blame society. Okay maybe I am. Either way, it wouldn’t hurt men to buy us some beautiful flowers once a year. It’s the least they can do because we give birth and menstruate once a month and we are still considered minorities. So suck it up and buy us something pretty!

While men may need to suck it up, women also need to step up to the plate. Valentine's Day shouldn't be a one sided affair where all the pressure is put on men to think of something extremely romantic and take their partner's breath away. Why is it up to a man to amaze a women with his romantic gestures? Females can also be romantic and show their appreciation for their partner. They can...and they SHOULD. If you plan on celebrating the holiday, honor it by showing someone you care and not expecting them to do all the work.

Note: This is why most men hate V-day. Females who expect alot and don't give in return. Give, and you shall receive!

 
It’s a Greeting Card Holiday

Valentine’s Day is 100%, without question, a greeting card holiday. Unfortunately, like most holidays in the U.S., it originated as something completely different than what it is today. The origin isn’t even completely decided on (Read About it! Click Here). We know it is based on St. Valentine and the actual date was declared in the Middle Ages. What troubles me is that it started out with people writing hand written notes and exchanging small gifts to show each other they care and now it’s been exploited by commercialism and greed. What else is new? Consider St. Patricks Day: it started as an Irish holiday and now it’s an excuse for bars to charge a $20 cover just so people can get in and wear green beads and spend extra money getting drunk on green beer.

If Valentine’s Day is a greeting card holiday then St. Patrick’s Day is a bar holiday and Christmas is a department store holiday and Halloween is a random-costume-store-that-only- opens-up-once-a-year holiday. Let’s face it, ALL of our holidays are exploited. Why do we hate V-Day but still go out and spend money for all the other holidays?


It Was Fun in Elementary School

I LOVED Valentine’s Day in Elementary School. Everyone was required to give every single person in the class a Valentine so no one was left out. Plus, we got to spend almost an entire day doing fun activities and having a party with cupcakes and candy! What kid wouldn’t love that? I remember spending an hour in Target trying to figure out which Valentine cards to get: Star Wars themed or Polly Pocket? I was a gender conflict child. If only Valentine’s Day was as fun as it was in elementary school. Sigh.


Valentine’s Day Can Be Fun Whether You’re Single or In A Relationship

I respect everyone’s decision on this holiday, whether you hate it, love it or just don’t care. Just know that you can have fun with it no matter what your status is. Don’t let society make you feel bad because you don’t have a Valentine this year. Instead, get your fellow singles together and go out! It’s about love so find someone you love and tell them how you feel. Hey you might even get lucky and find a bar to go to where there is a raffle for a free breast augmentation in honor of St. Valentine . Yes, there’s a story behind that (and it's a good one), but my lips are sealed.




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