It's up to US, to know ourselves and to attempt to establish healthy relationships. This blog is about all sexes and genders, how we think and what we think. It is a blog about "maybe's" and "what if's". It is a conversation about media awareness, diversity, inclusion, relationships, sex, love and everything in between.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Rules for Better Living


Happy Tuesday, readers! I'm going to contribute to the vast number of self-help books out there about how to be happier and live a better life by offering my own personal list. These are a compilation of my own thoughts, things I've read and quotes I've come across in my 27 years of living. If you have an addition, feel free to comment below!

Allow yourself to make mistakes. I've known this is important my whole life, yet I still beat myself up when I mess up. Be kind to yourself people! Cut yourself some slack every now and then. If things were perfect all the time, we wouldn't know what true perfection was.

Don't ever underestimate the power of time when it comes to pain. When sadness, loss or rejection occur in life, I always remind myself of the fact that human beings are wired to adapt. It may feel as if what you're feeling in the moment is unbearable, but it doesn't mean its permanent.

A life without balance is not a life worth living. I always know when I don't have enough balance of work, friends, family, school, fun in my life, because I burn out (or have an emotional breakdown, which is always fun). In my experience, there is nothing wrong with rewarding hard work with a well deserved vacation, or after spending hours on a paper, taking a moment to spend with someone you care about. Geez, I'm like a Hallmark card right now.

Only make time for people who make time for you. If a person isn't making the time to see you, don't waste time trying to see them. If a person isn't thinking about you, don't ruin your life by ruminating over what they're doing. Simple as that.

Know your limits. You don't have to say "Yes" to everyone and everything. It is not your responsibility to get a million things done every day. Do what you can and do your best. Constant overachieving leads to ulcers and panic attacks. Yes, I speak from experience. How do you like that for too much self-disclosure....

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Thank you Eleanor Roosevelt! She knew what's up. You can't control what others think or do, but you can control how you feel about yourself

Don't be left dancing alone to songs of the past. You can thank Tegan and Sara for this (from the song "I Won't Be Left" - listen here!). Time is moving forward, and to waste countless hours stuck on past situations and trauma will not help you in the moment. If there are things you can't get over, consider getting help! Everyone deserves a future that isn't tainted by past mistakes or pain.

Dont be afraid to feel. One of my favorite quotes from Tina Fey's book, Bossypants is:

“Some people say, 'Never let them see you cry.' I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.”

It's really unfortunate that displays of emotion scare other people. I'm not gonna lie, when someone starts bawling in front of me I feel a little panic sometimes too. But heck, who cares, if you want to cry, CRY. If you want to sing out, sing out, ha. Respect the emotions of others and don't be afraid to express your own.


    Those are my nuggets of inspiration for the day. So long, folks!
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Thursday, March 7, 2013

Thoughts on Men, Women and Dealing With Rejection


It has always been my general opinion that men take rejection easier than women. When I imagine a man dealing with rejection, I picture no tears or demonstration of pain. Instead, I imagine a guy out on the town, partying it up, pretending nothing happened and ready to conquer the next woman who comes along. Okay, after reading that statement I sound like a feminist man-hater, which I am not! I've just had this ridiculous notion in my head for years that rejection just slides off of men like butta. Who can I blame this on? Society? The men in my life? Movies? You?

Whenever I imagine a woman dealing with rejection, I think of a girl buried in a mountain of tissues, sitting in front of the TV watching a sappy movie with a big tub of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream in her lap. I also see a basket-case and a person who has completely forgotten her self worth because someone rejected her.

These images frighten me. They may stem from the cliche depictions I've seen in movies, or my own personal experience. Either way, after coming to terms with these images, I had to challenge them. So I decided use a lifeline and ask the audience...and you spoke loud and clear and put me in my place!

Several months ago I sent out a survey to men and women about how they deal with rejection. 23 men and 16 women responded (way to step it up men!). The average age of the men was 29 and the average age of the females was 27.

Question #1 asked "When you have been rejected or left hanging by someone that you liked or were dating, have you ever questioned your self-worth?"

Men's response:

Females response:
The results are almost identical, with a slight increase in answer "Yes" on the female side. Maybe we aren't as different as we think we are!

Question #2 was: "What did you question about yourself specifically?" Here's where it gets interesting.

A common answer among both genders was "Am I not good enough?" or "What am I doing wrong?"
9 of the male responses and 6 of the female responses stated something similar to this.

Specific traits were also mentioned. Men said they questioned their looks, attractiveness, and personality. Women questioned personality, intelligence, judgement, attractiveness, and body image.

One thing I found very interesting is that one male respondent said "I questioned my success in life and how independent I am."

Two female responses revolved around the idea that "I am worth more than this, I don't doubt myself." None of the male responses reflected a sense of empowerment or knowing they deserved better.



Question #3 asked whether they've dealt with rejection in any negative ways, with several choices. Here are the results.....


                                                                                   MEN:

WOMEN: 
Women it comes to abusing alcohol, men reported a higher percentage than women.

To my surprise, women reported a higher rate of partying than men! Women also reported spending time alone more than men.

However a big difference was that women reported 81.3% of venting to friends, while men reported 47% of venting to friends.

Overeating was also higher in women than in men (chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, anyone?)

Now, as I always say, the results of my little survey are in no way empirically valid and will not be published in a peer-reviewed journal anytime soon. I was just interested to see the responses, and boy was I surprised!

Personally, it's refreshing to know that men deal with rejection similarly to women. Maybe the divide between us isn't as big as we thought.

What are your thoughts on this survey and the differences between men and women and they way they deal with rejection?



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