For this particular subject I had the urge to reach out to my “It’s Up to Us Blog” female audience and find out how they feel about “unnecessary drama.” The survey was taken by 44 women ranging in ages 18-40 years old. Let’s see what they had to say…..
84.1% of female survey participants said that they have created unnecessary drama in a relationship with the opposite sex!!!
Jeez Louise, we’ve admitted to it! I can’t deny these percentages and I won’t. It’s apparent that women tend to stir up uncomfortable situations every now and then and we aren’t afraid to fess up to it. The question is, WHY?
When asked if alcohol or any other substance has been involved during instances of unnecessary drama, 31.7% said Yes, 58.5% said No.
I guess not all women out there turn into Snooki when they are drunk and "Jersey Turnpike" every inanimate object they come across… (“BUT GIANNII….”) Okay enough of the Jersey Shore references.
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When asked about the cause of the unnecessary drama I gave the following choices: PMS, needing attention, subconsciously unhappy with the relationship, a way of “testing” their partner.
Okay let’s face it. PMS happens (Read This Blog Post for More on PMS) and sometimes we get crabby. If a man wants to be with a woman that’s the price he has to pay. It’s much better than actually having to shed your uterine lining once a month and being bloated for 90 days out of the 365 a year. Suck it up! Half the time unnecessary drama ensues is because a man doesn’t know how to properly deal with a woman during PMS. Can I get an “amen?”
The option, “PMS” almost tied with the other possible choices. The fact is, sometimes people can be unhappy in a relationship and they don’t know how to express it, or they are hoping things will change for the better. Instead of expressing this unhappiness, it manifests in unnecessary drama. This is something that either sex can cause.
As for “needing attention,” this may well be the #1 source of the epidemic of reality shows out there. People crave attention, then they cause a scene or do a bunch of idiotic things (i.e. sex tapes, showing your coo-ka to the papparazzi, getting married and divorced in 72 days) and they get the attention they are seeking– simple as that.
Testing a partner is definitely another valid source of drama. We might make a comment or do something that makes another person uncomfortable just to see how they will react or to see if they are really “all in” the relationship. Just because we do it, doesn’t mean it's right.
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When asked if their partners dealt with the unnecessary drama in a positive way it was split almost 50/50: 45% of the women said “Yes” and 55% said “No.” That’s encouraging because it seems that most guys want to run from the first sight of drama instead of actually figuring out the root of it!
My final question was, “What would you say, in your words, is the main reason women cause unnecessary drama?”
Here are some of my favorite responses:
“Someone women may come from a background where 'drama' is the norm and so they continue to recreate it in their relationships because that is what they know.” This is such a good point. Maybe some of us just don’t know better and the only way we know how to communicate is to create dramatic situations.
“I don’t think women cause drama, people do.” High five!
“There’s always a hidden meaning behind the drama, whether is subconscious or conscious.” If you take anything out of this post, take this quote!!! There is most likely always a reason for the drama we cause, or anyone causes. When things are going well in life we don’t usually stir things up. However, sometimes our problems come out in a way we don’t expect them to. The next time you feel that someone is “causing drama” with you, think about their motive and personal experience.
“The cause of drama is insecurity with ones self or in past relationships.” Ding, ding, ding!
“Guys don’t understand our drama the way our girlfriends do!” There’s some major truth to this. I’ve had some gnarly dramatic arguments with some of my best girlfriends, but it’s made us closer in the end. Just as we dramatically screamed and yelled at each other, we hugged and cried and apologized in the same dramatic fashion. Maybe girls are just used to dealing with conflict this way, whereas guys tend to skip the apology and tears and take each other out for a beer.
“Insecurities created by unreal expectations of what a relationship should be according to standards they see on TV or read in magazines.” Wow. I have some smart readers. It is very true that women have certain expectations of how men should react and respond to us. I blame it on chick flicks. Damn you Ryan Gosling and The Notebook!
“Because men don't understand how sensitive we are, and when we realize this lack of sensitivity we get upset, which is what they refer to as "drama.” I have nothing else to add except a round of applause.
"Unaware or not brave enough to communicate their true needs. We often use passive aggressive or aggressive comments that create drama instead of just being real and honest."
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I wish I could have listed all of the quotes on there because they are AMAZING! I want to thank all the women who took this survey because I couldn’t have done it without you.
So what do you think about “unnecessary drama?”
COMMENTS APPRECIATED!!!!
