Textiquette: texting rules for men and women

I've discussed the many forms of communication that exist in a former blog - read: Is Social Networking Ruining Relationships? Texting is just one of those many forms that has increased communication and makes us all feel "more connected." Unfortunately, it seems that in addition to a new form of communication, texting has also caused many other complications and miscommunications. This blog is for all the women who have come to me and said, "What does his text mean?" and for all of the men who have complained, "Why is she freaking out because I didn't text her back in 5 minutes?" This, my dears...is for you.

A one word text is NOT a text.

Okay, I'm not going to lie I've sent an "ok" every now and then when I am super busy or I am meeting someone somewhere and I'm going to see them in a matter of minutes. However, It is just NOT cool to send a one word text message to someone after they have sent you a longer meaningful complete sentence. Men ask why women freak out or assume the worst after text message conversations with their significant others? THIS is a main reason.

Let me give you an example of when this is okay and not okay.

Acceptable:

You: Hey I'm on my way I'm parking right now.

Them: Ok!

(Notice the exclamation point? See below on PUNCTUATION!)

NOT acceptable:

Me: Hey :) I hope you had a great day today I was thinking about you!

Them: Thanks.

This "Thanks" is basically telling me that you are not really appreciating that I am thinking about you and that a text back to me is just an after thought. Whether you want to accept it or not, it's the truth.

One-word-texting was extremely annoying back in the day when unlimited text message wasn't available or too expensive. Now that everyone has a "chat" style text message interface it seems like we treat text messages like instant messages. Which is OK - as long as you don't send a single text like:

"K" or "Ok" or "kk"

"Cool"

"Bye"

"haha"

"Alright"

My point is, if you're going to one-word it then, following up with a smily or an exclamation point...or another text. It really doesn't take that LONG! Think about the message you are conveying when you send a text. It's still communication, even if it's not face to face!

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with using emoticons or punctuation.

I personally think some men are afraid of using emoticons and punctuation to relay the "feeling" of the conversation. If you look at a text convo between two women I guarantee you there will be at least one punctuation mark and/or emoticon per text. Why? Because we are smarter. No - just kidding. It's really because we convey emotion and feelings through texts as if we were speaking to the person face to face. On the other hand if you look at a text convo between two men there will be minimal activity of either emoticons or punctuation. This causes an issue when men and women try to text each other. Whether you want to admit it or not, there is a different between "Thanks!" and "Thanks." What really is the harm in placing a little exclamation mark at the end of damn sentence?!

Don't leave someone hanging when they text you and then update your facebook status. It makes it obvious you are ignoring them.

 Seriously people, we know you have facebook on your phone and you are updating so if someone texts you, RESPOND. Don't read it, ignore it and then update your facebook status about some irrelevant thing you just did. Sometimes people just want a quick response to a dang question. Okay thanks.

Let's be reasonable about response times.



Okay so there are times we are available to text and there are times we arent. What is okay and what isn't?

1. DON'T Always expect someone to respond right away - people are busy and not everyone keeps their phone attached to their hip.

2. DO be courteous and respond to someone eventually. Responding to a text 2 days after the initial response is not okay, unless you explain why you didn't respond - and it better be a damn good reason!

3. DON'T leave people hanging. If you are in the middle of a convo then you just stop responding, what is that person supposed to think? You FLAKE!

5. DON'T overanalyze every text someone sends. If you are getting a weird vibe from them, pick up the phone or ask what's up. Half the time it's your own thoughts making you think somethings wrong when its not. <--- got it ladies? :)

 Bury your phone somewhere when you are drinking.

Oh the wonderful, amazing things that come through our fingers through texts when we've had a couple beers. If you don't trust yourself, give your phone to a friend. It's just not worth it! The only time drunk texts are positive is when you are out with your friends and you are trying to find each other in a bar while one of you is in the bathroom and the texts look like this:

You: Wherbddsa are you?

Them: I'm at the gogllool

You: Ilv u, i'm so dunk.

Them: Me too I fuxting need a tnle.

You: Wnats e up.

This convo may or may not have been a real one ;)

Last note on smiley faces....Don't be the most interesting man in the world, men. Grrr.



Textiquette: texting rules for men and women

Is Social Networking Ruining Relationships?

I was talking to my mom the other day about dating and communication and she told me that in her younger dating years there were pretty much only three forms of communication: face to face, the phone (A LANDLINE phone), and letters (aka snail mail). Not only that, but her college dorm had only one communal phone for use in the dorm hall. She had to wait her turn to make any calls and it was almost impossible to receive calls. I compare that to how things are today and I realize how drastically things have changed. Now, how many forms of communication are there? Lets count: face to face, a landline phone, a cell phone, letters (I miss these), emailing, texting, IMing, tweeting, instagramming, facebook, skype, games "with friends". I’m sure there are some I’m missing! I just counted 13!! Compared to my moms measly 3 methods of communicating, that number is pretty enormous. Since we have all these new forms of communicating, you’d think we’d be experts at it, right? Unfortunately, this is not even close to the case. Researchers are finding that although we have quadrupled the number of available forms of communication, the quality of the communication has not improved. As I reflect on this issue, I started thinking of some "positives" and "negatives" about the forms communication we have in this generation and how it influences relationships.

POSITIVE: Social networking makes it a lot easier to plan gatherings with friends, which can help maintain relationships.
Those who know me know I love to plan :) . Things like texting and facebook make it a lot easier to plan a group event or even a single outing with a friend because you can send a quick text or facebook invite to see who’s available. It also makes it a lot easier to coordinate! Cheers to the planners out there!

Survey from MensHealth.com

NEGATIVE: You have to see what everyone is doing without you. With features like checking in, we now know where everyone is all the time and sometimes that can make a person feel left out. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to stop checking in. But how many of you have gotten jealous or sad because you were too busy to hang out with your friends then you get to see all their pictures and check-in’s having a BLAST on facebook and it makes you feel like doo-doo? Come on, you know it’s happened.


POSITIVE: It makes it a lot harder for people to lie, or cheat. Has anyone seen the commercial where the guy is on a first date with a girl and he is bragging about how he wants kids, a big house with a picket fence and wants to get married right away, and then she says, “Well how come your relationship status says, ‘Never wants kids?” I love that commercial. Shadiness is harder to accomplish thanks to facebook. Thanks to text messages, there is evidence to prove the douchebaginess of lying men and women everywhere! Muahaha!


NEGATIVE: A new way to be passive aggressive. You’ve seen it and maybe you’ve done it. You’re mad at your significant other and instead of telling them or calling them you post a song, quote or picture that is directed completely towards them. Cowards! As if we already didn’t have a problem with being passive aggressive in our face-to-face interactions….

POSITIVE: I'm at a loss.

NEGATIVE: We are becoming socially inept. I am praying for the future generation. Have you ever met a person who seems super outgoing, talkative and intelligent on facebook or texting, and then when you are face-to-face with them its like hanging out with a brick wall? All of this typing and written communication is ruining people’s ability to communicate verbally. We have learned to feel comfortable communicating behind the protection of a phone or a computer screen and so much is lost in the process. Non verbal cues make up a large percentage of what we communicate to other people. I’m sorry, but an emoticon does not take the place of real non-verbal cues. -_-  Angry Face.

POSITIVE/NEGATIVE:
We are being forced to define our relationships through social networking sites. Single, In a relationship, It’s complicated, I don’t give a sh*t. Okay maybe I do, because it mattered to me to change my relationship status on facebook. I would most likely be offended if the guy I was seeing didn’t want to change their status. What do they have to hide, right? Maybe it’s a good thing, because it allows you to take ownership of your status, and show the world you are proud of who you are with. However, it can get a bit annoying when someone’s relationship status changes daily.

NEGATIVE: Increased written communication can cause more arguments. How many people have gotten in a text argument with someone? BAD IDEA. Trying to communicate feelings and what is REALLY going on by IMing or texting someone never works because everyone types differently and relays information differently. I can’t even count the times where I thought someone was mad at me because of a text message when they were really just responding quickly because they were busy. If you have something important to discuss, pick up the phone or meet up with the person!!! Oh and another thing, don’t get mad because your boyfriend or friends didn’t “like” your status. Also, the number of people who comment your profile picture does NOT define your self-worth. You’re not better than me because you have 500 more facebook friends.

this one cracks me up!

Can you think of some more positive/negatives? How do you feel about how social networking is affecting our relationships?

Let me hear your thoughts!

Is Social Networking Ruining Relationships?