Rejection, Pt 2. Is Honesty The Best Policy?

So like I said in the last post, “That’s a whole other blog topic right there.”

Well here it is ladies and gents….

Rejection, part dos.  Sometimes we actually do the rejecting instead of getting rejected which can be almost as hard. Emphasis on almost. It’s not quite up to par with the disparate feeling of being rejected - in my book, at least.

So my question is, when rejecting someone, or to sugar coat it: when telling someone you don’t have strong enough feelings to continue a relationship ----Wait is that nicer? I don’t even know.

Whatever.

When kicking someone out of your romantic life (ha!), is honesty the best policy? How many of us have the actual balls to say, “Hey I just don’t feel enough chemistry with you?”

I’m going to admit, I am the worst rejecter in the history of the universe. And I think a lot of people can relate. It’s so much easier to just kind of stop answering the person’s phone calls and texts and let it fade out….or tell them some bullsh** answer like, “I’m not ready to be in a relationship.” Or “I just need some time for me right now.”

The truth is if it was the right person, you would work it out because if you truly felt a connection with them nothing would stop you from pursuing that relationship, even if you weren’t ready. Because, face it, who is ever ready?

Or maybe what I just wrote is the formula for the reason why so many people have destructive relationships – jumping in when they aren’t ready.

=)

All I want to know is – is it better to just tell the truth?

Should I have told Mr. Bad Kisser that his breath tasted like moldy cheese and that good kissing does not under any circumstances involve playing hide and seek with my tonsils? Gag me with a spoon. Or would it have been appropriate to tell a man that I felt huge around them because they were shorter than me when I wore heels and risk being called shallow?

I don’t know about that last one, but I think that if I had been more honest in the past about my reasons for backing off, I would have spared a lot of hurt feelings.

Maybe it is okay to tell someone that you just don’t feel that spark you are looking for…or that you just don’t feel the chemistry with them. Maybe it’s okay to tell someone you don’t feel that physical attraction…and risk being shallow.

Or maybe we should keep lying to save each other’s egos.

What do you think?

Rejection, Pt 2. Is Honesty The Best Policy?

Rejection: Who is less afraid?

Rejection. It sucks. Quite frankly it is probably one of the main reasons many people choose to be alone. It's easier than having to ask someone out and have them say NO and make you feel like a loser.

It’s also easier than having to hear, "It's not you, it's me." WHEN YOU KNOW ITS YOU.  Shut up and just give me the real reason.  

Would we really even want the real reason? Would we want to hear, “I just don’t see you in my future.” Or, “You have really bad breath and I just can’t stand it anymore.” Or here’s a good one, “Just FYI….size does matter.” Ha ha ha. Can you imagine if people told each other the complete truth? That’s a whole other blog topic right there….(and here is the entry, click this link!)

Everyone has fears when it comes to interpersonal relationships and the entanglements that come with being in them. It seems that the fear of rejection is major among both men and women.

But are men less afraid of rejection than women? 

 

I know sometimes I like to point the finger at men – okay let’s face it, not sometimes…a lot of times. But I’m just trying to UNDERSTAND. In my subjective opinion, it seems that men deal with rejection better. They may feel the same as women but it seems like they are a bit more persistent at getting “back up on the horse,” as they say, and trying again. I’ve met some pretty persistent men and sometimes the persistence worked and sometimes it didn’t quite go the way they wanted it to. But hey, at least they tried?

So I see this persistence in the face of rejection and I KNOW there is no way I would ask a guy out ten times and have him say no. After I got one “No” I would be walking away with my tail between my legs feeling like crap. When I’ve been or felt rejected I’ve always questioned my self-worth and I think many women can attest to this. However, I don’t usually hear men expressing these feelings. 

However, I have heard the following:
“Oh that girls probably a lesbian” (Laughter laughter laughter)
“Eh….she was kind of slutty”
“Oh I wasn’t really into her anyway I was just playing around.”
“She’s not really my type anyway, she’s too much of a party girl [or insert another negative description here].” 

Is this some kind of defense mechanism?

And what do I hear from women?
“Is there something wrong with me?”
“I’m gonna be alone forever?”
“Am I Ugly?”
“Why was I not good enough for him?”

Is this why men generally do the asking out?  Because women can’t handle it? 

Or maybe this is why men and women deal with break ups differently? 

Both men and women I’d like to hear from you about your experiences dealing with rejection…Have you doubted your self-worth because someone rejected you?

A final thought for those who have let others affect their self-worth (myself included!):
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Thank you Eleanor Roosevelt =)

Rejection: Who is less afraid?

Consideration: A female trait?

con·sid·er·ation - noun \kən-ˌsi-də-ˈrā-shən\

4: thoughtful and sympathetic regard

So picture this…you make plans with a person you are romantically interested in and you are extremely excited. You have moved around your busy schedule in order to make time for this person so it is obviously significant. The thought of spending time with this person gives you that butterfly feeling in your stomach and even the monotonous tasks of everyday life seem more bearable. The day arrives and you greet it with so much anticipation your head is about to explode. About two hours before you are supposed to meet you get a call – no – A TEXT MESSAGE – saying… “Hey, sorry I’m going to have to cancel something came up.”

-------

Silence. 

Yup, I’ve been there – and I’ve felt like a big jack ass for getting excited and changing my schedule around to hang out with a person just to have them cancel on me. I think many of us have been there. But a weird trend I’m noticing is that this is happening to women a lot more than it does to men.

And it makes me think: Are women just more considerate than men in when it comes to romantic relationships?

And I know – things happen and they come up and blah blah. I’m not focusing on the idea of “bailing” on people or canceling a date because I know sometimes there are things in life one can’t control.

So many women I know have changed their busy schedules to accommodate their significant others while the men don’t give the same consideration. 

Many of us map out our life plans according to how it will affect the men in our lives. We take certain consideration for certain decisions because we wonder what will happen to our significant others. Or even the significant others we haven’t met yet. This may be due to the fact that we have that biological clock that reminds us of our limited time to get procreate, but that's a whole other issue I'm not going to get into. All I know is that in my career plans, I've taken time to really think about how this fits into my desire to get married and have children. And I think many women can relate to this.

This doesn’t just apply to women – of course, this applies to humans who have a ton of consideration for other people and don’t receive it back. It just so happens that most of the men I’ve encountered seem to be a little less willing to accommodate a woman in their lives. 

To be in a relationship, you have to consider each other, that's what it's all about. My advice to people on this is to not make changes in your life for someone who doesn't deserve it.

How do you know they don't deserve it? They don't give YOU consideration. It goes both ways.

To the men out there reading this – have you ever felt that you were extremely considerate of a woman and not received the same treatment?

I know we are all looking out for ourselves, but would it hurt to realize that an alternative to being alone would be to just let yourself accommodate a little bit for another person in your life?

Just a thought.

Consideration: A female trait?