Rejection. It sucks. Quite frankly it is probably one of the main reasons many people choose to be alone. It's easier than having to ask someone out and have them say NO and make you feel like a loser.
It’s also easier than having to hear, "It's not you, it's me." WHEN YOU KNOW ITS YOU. Shut up and just give me the real reason.
Would we really even want the real reason? Would we want to hear, “I just don’t see you in my future.” Or, “You have really bad breath and I just can’t stand it anymore.” Or here’s a good one, “Just FYI….size does matter.” Ha ha ha. Can you imagine if people told each other the complete truth? That’s a whole other blog topic right there….(and here is the entry, click this link!)
Everyone has fears when it comes to interpersonal relationships and the entanglements that come with being in them. It seems that the fear of rejection is major among both men and women.
But are men less afraid of rejection than women?
But are men less afraid of rejection than women?
I know sometimes I like to point the finger at men – okay let’s face it, not sometimes…a lot of times. But I’m just trying to UNDERSTAND. In my subjective opinion, it seems that men deal with rejection better. They may feel the same as women but it seems like they are a bit more persistent at getting “back up on the horse,” as they say, and trying again. I’ve met some pretty persistent men and sometimes the persistence worked and sometimes it didn’t quite go the way they wanted it to. But hey, at least they tried?
So I see this persistence in the face of rejection and I KNOW there is no way I would ask a guy out ten times and have him say no. After I got one “No” I would be walking away with my tail between my legs feeling like crap. When I’ve been or felt rejected I’ve always questioned my self-worth and I think many women can attest to this. However, I don’t usually hear men expressing these feelings.
However, I have heard the following:
“Oh that girls probably a lesbian” (Laughter laughter laughter)
“Eh….she was kind of slutty”
“Oh I wasn’t really into her anyway I was just playing around.”
“She’s not really my type anyway, she’s too much of a party girl [or insert another negative description here].”
“Oh that girls probably a lesbian” (Laughter laughter laughter)
“Eh….she was kind of slutty”
“Oh I wasn’t really into her anyway I was just playing around.”
“She’s not really my type anyway, she’s too much of a party girl [or insert another negative description here].”
Is this some kind of defense mechanism?
And what do I hear from women?
“Is there something wrong with me?”
“I’m gonna be alone forever?”
“Am I Ugly?”
“Why was I not good enough for him?”
And what do I hear from women?
“Is there something wrong with me?”
“I’m gonna be alone forever?”
“Am I Ugly?”
“Why was I not good enough for him?”
Is this why men generally do the asking out? Because women can’t handle it?
Or maybe this is why men and women deal with break ups differently?
Both men and women I’d like to hear from you about your experiences dealing with rejection…Have you doubted your self-worth because someone rejected you?
A final thought for those who have let others affect their self-worth (myself included!):
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Thank you Eleanor Roosevelt =)
4 comments:
Who deals with break-ups better men or women? I think the best to handle this one is to once again visit our great and primitive ancestors for the answer. I think if we look into the hunter/gather correlation to this question; we can see who has it easier, not who deals with it easier.
Unfortunately, we are talking in the general view of men being hunters and women gathers. This is generally speaking seeing how women do not like hearing that they are the still considered the gathers. So no need for “I am woman, hear me roar.” We can better see that for hunters looking good or being accepted is not important to us. We need to hunt for food, provide shelter, and we are not concerned with how good we look doing it or if people accept us for it.
Gathers (women) have it a little more complicated, because they want the hunter to notice them. If the hunter doesn’t, they could lose the chance to have children, or their current offspring could die, or they might have to accept that another woman is in the picture and she is #2 or lower. So women have inherited the importance of approval.
Hunters had this problem as well, especially in small tribe many years ago. Since populations were smaller, women usually went for alpha males. If another hunter went for a woman, he could face punishment or death from the alpha male or tribe. So men have inherited approach anxiety from our ancestors.
What does this mean for present day? Men have come to realize that if they ask a girl out, and she says “no”; it is not the end of the world. The more women they ask out, the easier rejection gets. And IF (keyword) the man is smart, he will learn from the rejection and gain more success. What is even better is that a man can retreat to his friends and IF they are cool friends; they will congratulate him for trying to ask a girl out.
Women are still dealing with their worry of acceptance, and nothing worse than looking bad amongst their girlfriends. Media has also trained girls to think that beauty means value. So girls have a lot stacked against them. If you don’t find a suitable mate, you’ll risk the chances of being 34, single, with a biological time clock soon expiring. Every women wants to chance to bear children and some are willing to accept horrible circumstance for it; they will stay with an abuse mate; even stay in a relationship that has a lot of infidelity. But we will call it “love” for her sake.
Anwers: Men realized that a girl not liking them is not the end of the world, in fact; girls outnumber the guys 3 to1 I think, and we are supposed to spend 3 months’ pay on an engagement ring? And get down on one knee? And ask you to accept our proposal?......... something wrong with that picture if you ask me. Women are still in competition with each other, their biological time clock, and social expectations. Easier for men if you ask me, but most guys are not even aware of these facts I presented… so sad. This does not mean men handle it better, we just have less social standards to deal with than women. We can be players and get congratulated for it. I personally believe girl players are the way ahead of the game, but they are told they are wrong for living that lifestyle… but it works. (example: Marilyn Monroe)
Important note: There are exceptions to every rule for both guys and girls. There are alpha females as well, and they have figured out how to play the game as well. There are also beta males we like to call wussies too.
Daniel I really appreciate the fact that you brought in the media on this one because its so true. It's nice to hear that a guy is aware of the social expectations that are put on women vs men!
And I think that is a really valid point - men just realize it isn't the end of the world...the whole hunter/gatherer thing makes complete sense also...definitely put things into a better perspective for me.
The challenge of not living life by all the social standards society has placed is not an easy one.
But I'm still not asking a guy out haha....
That last statement brings up a interesting topic. Why not ask a guy out?
In my experience, I have learned many beautiful looking girls rarely get asked out; because guys think they already have a boyfriend, or they are a scared, or the guy believes he is not worhty. Once I started approaching more beautiful girls, I had a interesting realization. They are actually grateful for a guy giving a good effort, and they appreciate the conversation.
What if the guy you won't ask out is the man of your dreams, and maybe he is afraid of the initial approach.? Would if you approaching him lights him up, and he turns out to be Mr. Charming? And to think you won't ask him out? It is that kind of think sometimes that leaves us with a horrible question to fall asleep to that night... "What if?" Maybe you, as a girl..... are getting in your own way.
Hmmm...that's a very interesting though. Am I getting in my own way? It might quite possibly be true. Hm, Mr. Insightful haha.
I actually have kind of "put myself out there" with a guy who wasn't as forward because I thought maybe there was something there but it kind of blew up in my face. So maybe that's why I never wanted to try again....but maybe i'll give it a second chance.
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