There are so many avenues to go down when it comes to discussing expectations in relationships.The first that comes to mind are the certain expectations that come with labels we place on relationships. When you’re “dating” expectations are low but as a relationship grows and becomes a “serious relationship” or “engaged/married,” more expectations start to surface. Even if we try to fight it, it just always seems to happen – which is why I think many people these days are refusing to put the label of “marriage” on themselves.
So it seems there is a very small chance of avoiding expectations in any relationship. I think I’ve noticed that a main problem with women and expectations is the fact that we think guys should read our minds. Ladies, although it would be wonderful, life is not a romantic comedy and our men are not always going to have the right thing to say. In fact, they may say the “wrong” thing more often than not. The popular saying goes: we teach people how to treat us, and it’s true. If you aren’t happy with something a guy does, instead of being passive-aggressive and trying to manipulate him into the right behavior, just straight up tell him how you feel! You’ll be surprised how well this can work.
As far as men and expectations goes, I don’t have as much experience because I am a woman, so I’d like to hear what men have to say as regarding their expectations for their girlfriends or wives. Speak to me men!
All I know is that men: if you don’t know what to do in a situation – just ASK us what we want. We might not even know but at least you asked. But please don’t say, “Well what do you want from me?” or “What do you expect me to say?” I think that may just piss us off. Yeah, we’re complicated.
I was reading an article about the different ways to prevent the development of high expectations in a romantic relationship too early. I think that high expectations too early and rushing into a relationship can cause the romance to fizzle and the relationship to fall apart.
So here’s some “fashioned bylaws of romance” according to Virginia Saddock, a professor of Psychiatry at NYU:
1. Don't rush into sex. (Agreed, Sex changes everything.)
2. Let the relationship deepen slowly over months. (Which requires PATIENCE)
3. Think about what you bring to the relationship, not what you get from it. (Definitely a thought, aren't we always selfishly
thinking about what we are getting than what we are giving in a
relationship?)
4. Understand that heady passion may not last, but love does.
(Although heady passion can be fun every now and then. heh.)
5. Work through problems to have a stronger relationship in the
end. (Not the most fun, but definitely important.)
My main problem with expectations is when someone allows you to develop high expectations for them and then stops meeting them. A person can treat you a certain way and give you these expectations of them or how they are going to act and then all of a sudden completely change.
What I think is just as important as managing your expectations of another person is managing the expectations you are setting for that person. Don’t lavish someone with attention for a certain amount of time because you feel insecure or needy (OR WHATEVER) and then suddenly stop because you are over it. Be consistent – I think that is a huge part of being in a healthy relationship.
That’s all she wrote!
No comments:
Post a Comment