"Girl code." Someone on urban dictionary defined it as, “The code of guidelines that girls must obey in order to not get kicked out of the community.”I never realized that my membership to the female community was at risk (!) – don’t know if I’d go that far.
Anyway, we’ve all heard of it – the “code” that heterosexual females have regarding relationships, dating and friendships.
Here are some off the top of my head:
"Don't fool around with a friends’ ex."
"Always tells each other when there is something in your teeth, your dress is sticking in your underwear, you have toilet paper stuck on the bottom of your shoe, or your bump-it is showing." :)
“No girl shall wear the same outfit or perfume as a friend if they will knowingly be in the same place.”
Yeah, those are easy, most of the time - but what about the unspoken rules regarding exes?
Yeah, those are easy, most of the time - but what about the unspoken rules regarding exes?
Situation: you have a best friend who broke up with their boyfriend. "Girl code" dictates that you stop talking to their ex and you make sure to hate and mutually ridicule any girl that her ex-boyfriend dates.
Sound familiar? We've all done it. Maybe it's the whole camaraderie between women thing - we like to gossip and discuss other females all in the name of “protecting” our girlfriends. Is it really protecting? Or do we just like to channel the "mean girl" spirit and hate on each other?
Why do women expect other women to hate each other's exes and every girl their ex dates? In some cases, this doesn't cause a conflict. But when mutual friends or small group of close-knit friends are involved, what is the protocol?
It's not a black-and-white issue. And now that I think about it this girl code should be reconsidered and applied on a situational basis. Women, I know your first impulse is to despise any girl your ex decides to date – but does it really make a difference? Is hating really the answer? And is it really necessary to make all of your friends also hate her and ostracize her? Of course, if you never have to see your ex again, this doesn’t apply. I just think that we all need to at least let people give us a chance to hate them first. Ha ha.
Sound familiar? We've all done it. Maybe it's the whole camaraderie between women thing - we like to gossip and discuss other females all in the name of “protecting” our girlfriends. Is it really protecting? Or do we just like to channel the "mean girl" spirit and hate on each other?
Why do women expect other women to hate each other's exes and every girl their ex dates? In some cases, this doesn't cause a conflict. But when mutual friends or small group of close-knit friends are involved, what is the protocol?
It's not a black-and-white issue. And now that I think about it this girl code should be reconsidered and applied on a situational basis. Women, I know your first impulse is to despise any girl your ex decides to date – but does it really make a difference? Is hating really the answer? And is it really necessary to make all of your friends also hate her and ostracize her? Of course, if you never have to see your ex again, this doesn’t apply. I just think that we all need to at least let people give us a chance to hate them first. Ha ha.
BUT in many situations we have to pick sides and it’s either your girl friend or their ex (if you were friends with both of them) and in that case you have to decide what really matters to you. But even in that situation gossiping, spreading rumors and talking negatively about that person is not going to make a difference. That’s what I mean by getting rid of the “mean girl.” I know we love to hate, but why not take an approach that promotes neutrality and less drama?
So before you decide to talk a little “smack” on the new girl, the friends ex, or even your own ex, think about it: is this an expression of your true feelings or are you just being a hater?
Until next time.
2 comments:
Haha, I love this post.
Sometimes we just want to make our friend feel better about the situation. But for the most part we hate because we are haters.
I do believe it's the mature thing to abstain from the drama and be neutral. Besides, your ex is going to move on eventually. We might as well try to accept it.
This was good. I had to share in on my FB page.
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