Men are like...Rubber Bands?

I’m sure many of you have heard of the book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, by John Gray. If you haven’t heard of the book, you’ve probably heard the phrase. I recently started reading it after finding it at a thrift store and I figured I had nothing to lose for 25 cents.

He has this theory entitled, “Men are like rubber bands.” The idea behind this is that men pull away in relationships and can only stretch to a certain degree before springing back. He says that the intimacy cycle of men is that they get close, pull away and then get close again and this it is necessary for men to first pull away in order to be close again.

I’m interested to hear what other people have to say about this theory, (especially male readers!). I thought the chapter had some valid points but there were also some things I questioned. Biologically I understand the whole intimacy cycle and how it works with a man sexually. But does this apply emotionally also?

Women generally pull away for different reasons than men which is why women misunderstand them. I think this can definitely be a true statement. I think women sometimes pull away because they are hurt, trying to guard themselves or they are trying to manipulate the situation. Men are completely capable of doing the same thing but I think there are times when they recognize they just need space – which is something women can learn a lot from. Autonomy is a GOOD thing. Taking space from the relationship is healthy. It is great to connect with someone but losing yourself should not be part of it.

I do feel, however, that the idea of men being rubber bands can be interpreted in a very unhealthy way if one is not careful. The rubber band theory does not apply to men who are treating women poorly or manipulating them. This theory is not about being co-dependent and completely losing yourself so that you can be on his emotional time-table. Plus, how do you even determine that this is normal and the guy doesn’t just have emotional constipation?

All I know is that I think the idea of the man as a rubber band is valid – but it needs to be approached with caution. Next chapter in the book is entitled, “Women are like waves,” and boy am I excited! So be prepared for another fun-filled post. For now…tell me what you think!

Men are like...Rubber Bands?