So where do I start? Compartmentalizing. As a Psychology graduate student with the hopes of one day being a licensed clinical psychologist, this is something that I’ve heard about relentlessly in classes. It’s the ability to separate yourself from the issues in your life and focus on the tasks you need to complete, or in my case the individuals I’ll be working with. Compartmentalizing also refers to an emotional ability to separate specific aspects of one’s life from others in order to prevent dwelling on negative feelings or ruminating.
I’m sure we’ve all been guilty of letting a fight with a significant other or family member cause us stress at our workplace or vice versa. That’s because compartmentalizing is not easy at all and unfortunately it is harder for some people than it is for others. Although it differs based on the person, it always seems to me that men have an easier time compartmentalizing than women do. While women tend to think fluidly and almost constantly, men will tackle one thing at a time and have the ability to compartmentalize a situation and think about it later. (Damn you, men.)
Before I go on, I want to make sure everyone knows I’m making generalizations based on experience and research and that not every woman and man thinks alike. Everything is always subjective and generalizations are not always 100% applicable.
So first, let’s talk biology. According to a study in 2001 by researchers from Harvard, certain parts of the brain are differently sized in males and females. The frontal lobe and limbic cortex are bigger in females, which control decision making and emotional regulation. Men also have 6.5 times more gray matter than females while women have 10 times more white matter. Gray matter is full of active neurons, while the white matter is full of connections between the neurons. Researchers suggest that this could explain why the female brain is more complicated and may process information faster than males. Could this attest to why women have trouble compartmentalizing the information and emotions they are feeling?
Compartmentalizing is a beautiful thing if it is done correctly. It is a way to sort and separate all of the dynamic aspects of life in order to prevent feelings overwhelmed. However it is important to not compartmentalize to the point where the important emotions and feelings are lost.
The fact that men compartmentalize can be frustrating for women because sometimes we just want answers or we have so many unorganized thoughts in our heads. These thoughts, fueled by emotions, usually come out in the form of verbal diarrhea. Sorry for the mental picture but it’s true. I have found myself on many occasions saying things I don’t mean or mentally freaking out because I am unable to think rationally in order to compartmentalize a situation.
I’m going to personalize this a bit and say that the biggest thing I think I have feared as a result of my lack of compartmentalizing skills are that I will push a guy away because of my words. The lack of ability to compartmentalize on a woman’s part can send a guy running because he doesn’t understand that sometimes women freak out and sometimes we just need to be reassured that everything is okay and that he still cares. And it just gets worse because then we live with the fear that we pushed him away and we have to work on compartmentalizing that fear and stop worrying. It’s a vicious cycle I tell you!
One final thing…I read this article posted on CBS.com titled “Advice from Cosmo on How to Better Handle the Man in Your life.” I have to admit, as soon as I saw “Cosmo” I was about to click the X at the upper right hand corner of my browser but something made me scroll the article. The final piece of advice given by the editor-in-chief is this: “He won’t warn you if the relationship is on the rocks.” She basically says that guys will not warn you if he’s not happy or if he wants to end things because he doesn’t know himself. Men don’t spend tons of hours over-obsessing over the ups and downs of the day you spent together.
"Men tend to let the little things that irritate them build and build and build without saying a word, because they don't want to deal with the whole relationship drama," explains Hughes. "Then suddenly, their frustrations snowball and they go into crisis mode, ready to end things." She suggests that if you sense that your significant other is acting removed, to confront in a non-dramatic way.
So my question is how do we tell if a man is just doing normal compartmentalization or if there is really something wrong? How do we know when the silence is normal or it is a signal that things are going south? This is why men call women crazy. All of this wondering has caused us to go mad!
I need to stop writing before my head explodes. I’m going to post this, but something makes me think I should have compartmentalized first?
2 comments:
hahaha! i LOVED this article! its SOOO true! if men could really see what all goes on in our minds, they'd REALLY think we are nuts ;) and its so frustrating as a woman, and impossible to understand i might add... that as there are 10jillion things going on in our heads, there might be one or two (if any)going on in a man's head. I often find myself wondering how we can feel SO much and they feel so little! This is one reason why I hesitate at the thought of a female president LOL... ssshhh, don't tell a man I said that ;)
Thank you for reaading Ms. Tisthammer :) okay I know it's hard to admit but I understand what you mean about the female president...It's true...Our minds can run WILD. I do think that females do have the ability to keep it under control but they have to sacrifice certain things to keep their minds clear. Plus, I have met some women who are awesome at compartmentalizing so I guess it's all different. haha
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