So meet me in the middle well, come on, let's make up a dance and we'll agree to call it the compromise. – The Format.
It is a given that compromise is a part of all relationships. In order to dwell in harmony of sorts we have to be able to tolerate certain aspects of other people. Of course, I’m referring to the little things. There are some things that no one should ever tolerate such as abuse of any kind (verbal, emotional, mental, and physical). Compromise is about letting go of the idea that everything needs to go your way. It involves taking into account another individuals’ personality, opinions and actions. As the song by The Format suggests, “meet me in the middle.” So I was thinking: who is more likely to compromise in a relationship, a man or a woman? Or do we just compromise (or not compromise) in different ways?
When it comes to women there are a couple of things I have observed. Some of us compromise too much and some of us refuse to compromise. Unfortunately, both lead down a road of trouble and heartbreak. Women often compromise too much of themselves when they get in a relationship and start to lose their identity. It is so easy to get caught up in feelings for someone to the point where morals, values, interests and personality traits get compromised.
On another hand, I think many women also have issues with compromising in relationships and while looking for a potential partner. In a way, I partly blame society for this. We (females) are bombarded at such a young age with these ideas about a prince charming coming to our rescue. It’s almost as if we are programmed to keep "waiting it out" and not settle so Mr. Charming will come and sweep us off our feet. Meanwhile, we can just live life wistfully singing and talking with farm animals (or dwarves, a giant tamed tigers, Jamaican crabs…take your pick) until he arrives. And when he does finally arrive he will be EVERYTHING we want him to be: attentive, loving, in tune with his emotions, rich, faithful and with a great head of hair. Pfft. Right? It gets worse as we get older with romantic comedies. Don’t get me wrong I love romantic comedies as much as the next girl – but sometimes they infuriate me because I know they are just planting my brain with an idea of romance that isn’t REAL. I think that many women hold on to this idea of who their “prince charming” is supposed to be (ahem, Ryan Gosling) and they lose sight of things that really matter in a relationship.
It’s possible that some women consider compromising for “settling” which isn’t the same thing. We are told by society that we can and should “have it all.” And we can! It’s just important to have the right attitude about men and who they are and come to grips with reality on what a relationship is. Sorry to burst your Disneyfied, romantic-comedy-made bubble but relationships are not a fairy tale, they are hard work. We don’t expect our friends, parents or anyone else to be perfect, why would we expect the same from our "Mr. Right"?
Men and compromise--I don’t have too much to say about this because I am not a man. But if I reflect on the way men are portrayed in society, men are definitely not encouraged to compromise at all. A "strong" man is one who sticks to his guns and does not compromise. A "strong" man does not need to heed a woman’s opinion or change any of his actions/attitudes for her. From my experience, men resist change on behalf of a woman especially when a woman is doing everything in her power to try to change him. I'm not sure why women do it but you'd think we would get the hint by now. I’ve witnessed men make compromises for the women they love, but on their own terms and their own time.
In comparison to women, you don’t see many men being manipulated and changing their entire lives for a relationship. I am reminded of the Sex and the City episode where Big casually mentions to Carrie that he may be moving to Paris and doesn’t even consider her in the whole decision. If it had been a woman who was offered a job in Paris the first thing she would have thought about was her significant other. From the way I see it, men are definitely more independent which makes them a little less willing to compromise – but I think it depends on the relationship they are in and their level of maturity.
Men, what do you think about compromise in relationships? How much are you willing to compromise, if at all?
And females, do you think you tend to compromise too much or too little in relationships?
All I know is that I believe if two people truly care for each other – they can compromise on the little things to meet in the middle and make a dance of harmony on their own =]
No comments:
Post a Comment