Well here it is ladies and gents….
Rejection, part dos. Sometimes we actually do the rejecting instead of getting rejected which can be almost as hard. Emphasis on almost. It’s not quite up to par with the disparate feeling of being rejected - in my book, at least.
So my question is, when rejecting someone, or to sugar coat it: when telling someone you don’t have strong enough feelings to continue a relationship ----Wait is that nicer? I don’t even know.
Whatever.
When kicking someone out of your romantic life (ha!), is honesty the best policy? How many of us have the actual balls to say, “Hey I just don’t feel enough chemistry with you?”
I’m going to admit, I am the worst rejecter in the history of the universe. And I think a lot of people can relate. It’s so much easier to just kind of stop answering the person’s phone calls and texts and let it fade out….or tell them some bullsh** answer like, “I’m not ready to be in a relationship.” Or “I just need some time for me right now.”
The truth is if it was the right person, you would work it out because if you truly felt a connection with them nothing would stop you from pursuing that relationship, even if you weren’t ready. Because, face it, who is ever ready?
Or maybe what I just wrote is the formula for the reason why so many people have destructive relationships – jumping in when they aren’t ready.
=)
All I want to know is – is it better to just tell the truth?
Should I have told Mr. Bad Kisser that his breath tasted like moldy cheese and that good kissing does not under any circumstances involve playing hide and seek with my tonsils? Gag me with a spoon. Or would it have been appropriate to tell a man that I felt huge around them because they were shorter than me when I wore heels and risk being called shallow?
I don’t know about that last one, but I think that if I had been more honest in the past about my reasons for backing off, I would have spared a lot of hurt feelings.
Maybe it is okay to tell someone that you just don’t feel that spark you are looking for…or that you just don’t feel the chemistry with them. Maybe it’s okay to tell someone you don’t feel that physical attraction…and risk being shallow.
Or maybe we should keep lying to save each other’s egos.
What do you think?
5 comments:
yes, honesty is always the best. especially when dealing with girls, because lets face it... we have quite the knack for rationalizing things away. i mean, we as a gender are the reason the phrase "he's just not that in to you" came about. and when its all said and done, save your energy. playing the dodging game or avoiding game is exhausting and i believe more hurtful to the other person. blah. so yes, as hard as it is, its better to just be honest. now, the whole bad breath/bad kisser senario, probably better to stick with a "i'm just not feeling it" type of rejection ;)
I think women truly need to be told the truth from men. I would really respect a guy for telling me the truth instead of just ignoring me or give me some BS answer you know?
Even if it hurt - I could respect the guy for being honest.
I'm still wondering about the whole "I'm not ready for a relationship" excuse. Is this just an excuse because it's not the right person?
I mean even if we werent exactly ready for a relationship - if we met the right person I think that would make us want to be ready.
Because I said, who is EVER really ready?
I think the best way to break up with someone is to be honest from the start. You don’t have to sugar coat it; keep it short and simple, and avoid elaborating when you here that person says, “What do you mean by that?” The more you elaborate, the more you find yourself digging a deeper hole. As far as the truth, there are some things that should be kept to yourself. Like I don’t tell a girl, “I think your P***** stinks.” As far as people asking for the truth or honest; well I think people should be careful what they ask for. Golden Rule in Relationships: What people say they want; is not necessarily what they respond to.
My recommendation is to be honest with the person you’re about to hook up with, date, or start a relationship with. I always say I’m not looking for anything serious, and we can date and see how that goes first. That way when I do leave; they can never say I lead them on otherwise. Always lay down the “zero tolerance” factors before, because this leaves the person with the “choice” to continue or not. I think the key is to be honest from the start, so you can be honest in the end. The biggest problem both parties are facing is not knowing what each other wants for themselves or their partner. That’s when lies and indecision ruin things; even a break up.
Yeah people want honesty but to a degree. There is a line between being honest and being hurtful. If someone REALLY speaks their mind... that might cause a break up. Or that person being be called a jerk or bitch, just cause they spoke their mind.
If someone really care about ur feelings then they should tell you the truth.. but in a tasteful way.
Ya definitely. I think there is a way to be honest without being completely insensitive. There is way to tell the truth tactfully. You still might be called a bitch or a jerk though ha ha
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